Questioning Transphobia

Hello there. My name is Static Nonsense, though you can call me SN for short. I’m a queer, nonwhite trans person with physical and mental disabilities, along with a host of other things that I don’t remember right now due to being undercaffeinated in the wee hours of the morning. I write over at Some Assembly Required, about all sorts of things ranging from ableism and psychophobia to sexuality and BDSM – even gaming (because I’m such a dork like that). I don’t typically talk a lot about trans issues, but it’s something I’m getting back into after having essentially gone into hiding. So yeah. Hi.

I’ve been avoiding the trans community for a few years now. The pushback I get is too much for me to handle, and I’ve never been able to get the support I need from a community that really should get why having this support is so necessary. This wasn’t always an issue – it only started showing up when I became to understand that I am also mentally disabled. Even moreso when I started to come out about that fact, a part of myself that I didn’t see as having much relation to me being trans. Just, yanno, an extra tidbit of information. Which isn’t exactly true. I’m noticing that yes actually, my disabilities are a major factor in why I identify as trans. That shouldn’t be a problem, right?

Apparently it is.

Trans people get othered a lot. We’re pushed off as crazy, disordered, for challenging the social norms of gender and sex. Either by choice in trying to deconstruct this ancient structure, or simply by existing. Throughout history we’ve been institutionalized or “fixed” (or tried to be) simply for existing as ourselves in a world that focuses so strongly on the cissexist concept of penis = man = masculine and vagina = woman = feminine. Even now the disconnect of the body and one’s self identity is seen as a disorder, one that must be treated and fixed so that we can fit neatly into this dichotomy again.

This has pushed a lot of us on the defensive, and understandably so. Transgenderism isn’t a disorder and shouldn’t be treated as such in society – it’s an identity, an intricate part of who we are as people.

But it sometimes goes to extremes. All too often people are quick to point out that they’re not crazy. People with mental illness are crazy, and people shouldn’t conflate the two. Trans people aren’t loony like those real loony people are. Which causes a whole mess of problems a la ableism, psychophobia and a combination of misunderstanding and misinformation.

For one, it isolates trans people with mental illness, even when they don’t relate. Because suddenly, they are those real loony people. The ones being targeted, within a community they’re seeking support from.

Second, it asserts that the only true and appropriate identity is one that isn’t a result of mental illness. Which is leaving me with the question of “WHY?”

Various mental disorders can shape one’s identity. What exactly is the problem with that? Why exactly is an identity shaped without the influence of mental illness more valid than one that is influenced by them? An extreme but perfect example is Dissociative Identity Disorder, where the identity of the self is so fragmented that the system can be composed of so many identities, some of which can directly contradict others. This is in constant fluctuation, and many of these can be present all at once, individually or sometimes none at all. This is effectively the case with me, where I can identify as a man, a woman, both, neither or something else entirely – be it all at once, one or two of these at a time or fluctuating constantly throughout the day. And while it can last for just minutes or days, it can also extend over several years, to the point where I originally sought out transition as a trans man due to the disconnect between being female-assigned-at-birth (FAAB) and identifying as a man for so long. And that’s not including the added fragmentation of schizotypy, where I see the world abstractly and thus didn’t have a clear grasp on this concept of penis = man = masculine and vagina = woman = feminine, even when my abusive peers tried to teach me this clear absolute true fact of the world, and I still don’t.

Since then I’ve come to the general identity of genderqueer or genderfluid (depending on which day you ask me), allowing myself to shift between these various gender identities freely as my mind naturally shifts in response to situations and just its own natural state. But this is a state I had to come to entirely on my own. I did not have the support of my own community, because in their eyes I am crazy and not “really” trans because of the possibility of my identity being a result of my mental disorders. I make them look bad, because crazy is automatically bad and I’m the reason they’ve been victimized for so many centuries.

When in actuality, maybe the issue isn’t with who is really crazy and who isn’t. Maybe the issue is with our society’s concrete idea of the gender and sex dichotomy, its complete disregard for the identity and rights of people regardless of where they stand on the spectrum, and how it treats people that don’t line up perfectly with their ideals. Perhaps this concept of craziness has just been a scapegoat for the actual issue at hand, a weapon used to demonize the people that don’t line up with their ideals. An age-long system of oppression built on cissexism and transphobia, utilizing ableism and psychophobia to attack, ostracize and well, oppress.

But what do I know. I’m the crazy one, after all.

little light writes about it here. She recited her poem, The Seam of Skin and Scales, which is one of the best things ever written about being a trans woman.

 She also links de profundis and on roses and postscripts, both of which should be required reading.

 The story in de profundis is familiar to me – I am positive I heard about it on the news, or from the online LGBT community, or both. It reminds me that I really need to write about how trans people are treated in prison, because it’s beyond inhumane.

Adding more posts by Monica Roberts.

The first is Chanelle Pickett’s story, showing just how little trans women are valued when we are murdered, and how important it is for ENDA to have gender protections. As I’ve asked before: How many trans people have to die before we’ve sacrified enough blood to be worthy of civil rights?

The second is TDOR..My Thoughts:

We’ve been ‘gayjacked’ out of an ENDA bill that our community desperately needs and told because we fought tooth and nail to stay in it, we’re going to get frozen out of federal civil rights legislation until 2013. We also paid $20K of hard earned T-bills for the privilege of getting screwed by HRC, and we already have some elements of the transgender community with short memories trying to say that we need to work with an organization that repeatedly screws us. Here in Louisville the JCPS is prepared to go forward with protections for GLB workers, but not transgender ones as the Forces of Intolerance gear up their faith based hatred and lies to stop it.

The third is And Now, a Word from an Ally, Ten Reasons the Women’s Center Observes the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Project is here.

This year’s strips are here.

Venus Envy’s strip hit me particularly hard, but you should read all of them.

Full post here.

TG Day of Remembrance
So today is Transgender Day of Remembrance. To commemorate it, I wrote a piece called There’s Something About “Deception” which was posted on Feministing.com yesterday – it touches on the myth of deception and violence directed against trans people. That got me thinking about an old piece that appears in my first poetry chapbook called Either/Or. The piece was called “scared to death” – here it is…

scared to death

[author’s note: I specifically wrote this piece for, and first performed it on, the fourth annual Transgender Day of Remembrance (November 20, 2003). I dedicated it to the twenty-five people who were murdered that year for being transgendered]

few people make it through high school
without having at least one classmate commit suicide
for me, it was tony newman
in eleventh grade
he locked himself in the garage
with the car running
the act seemed so unlike him
he was one of the few popular kids
who everyone genuinely liked
and every time i saw him
he was either laughing
or making someone else laugh
apparently, he never spoke about being depressed
and he didn’t leave a note
so the reason he took his own life
remained a mystery
it lingered like a lump in people’s throats

i had a theory
that i never shared with anyone
i wondered whether tony felt like i did
i was transgendered
although at the time
i didn’t have a word for it
but i was good enough at math
to know that statistically
there had to be at least a few other people
keeping the same secret
and i don’t know if tony was transgendered
but i put two and two together
because i knew
that suicide had crossed my mind
a few hundred times
and i knew
that i’d rather be dead
than be caught dressed as a girl
and i knew
how much it hurt
to have thoughts that you don’t want
but you can’t turn off

and now i know
that this is nothing new
there are statistics that suggest
that up to 50 percent of transgendered people
try to end their life
if not by suicide, then indirectly through substance abuse
and everyday i consider myself lucky
to have made it this far
although sometimes
i still feel like i’m only one step away from the grave
because once every two weeks
someone like me is murdered
for being transgendered
and these are no unfortunate accidents
no victims of circumstance
these victims
are almost always beating beyond recognition
these are attempts at total obliteration
and i can’t help but wonder whether i am next
because at least once a week
i get up on stage and out myself
in songs and spoken word pieces
and i worry that this makes me a target
because all it takes is one asshole in the audience
who feels that his manhood
is threatened by my mere existence

but i remind myself
that there are many ways to die
and the slowest
most torturous one of all
is being scared to death
because being intimidated into silence
is like being suffocated
in both cases
someone else is taking your last breath
so tonight i speak
on behalf of an entire endangered species
because i know
that silence really does equal death
and i know
that the only thing that stops injustice is protest
and my words are a tribute
to every transgendered voice that has been silenced
whether by suicide
or homicide
or those who are still alive
but frightened into keeping quiet
and i hope
that this piece will be
one of a million small acts
that together
add up
to fighting back

-julia

Elizabeth McClung of Screw Bronze posts about the sheer violence trans people suffer.

So here is what I wish people would remember; that in the western world, no other group has a higher murder rate than transgender individuals. And t-women usually aren’t murdered, they are lynched. We don’t like to think that lynching goes on in Canada, the USA, and the UK but it does. You could put up a scaffold in front of the Capitol, and hang a transitioning woman on it and tell the police, “I had a sex with………it, I didn’t know what I was doing” and you have a 50% chance of getting off, and at least some sort of reduced sentence.

Julia Serano posts There’s Something About Deception at Feministing.

Much of the violence that is directed at trans people is predicated on the myth of deception. For example, straight men who become attracted to trans women sometimes erupt into homophobic/transphobic rage and violence upon discovering that the woman in question was born male.

Monica Roberts posts In Memory of Rita Hester and Rita’s Story.

Some of you may be wondering why and how the TDOR which is happening in venues all over the world today got started. To know the present situation, we’re going to go back to the past, specifically November 1998.

The Boston transgender community had already been reeling over the brutal deaths of three other local transwomen, 23 year old Chanelle Pickett in November 1995, Deborah Forte (the aunt of TDOR co-coordinator and radio podcast host Ethan St. Pierre) and the September 11, 1998 one of Monique Thomas.

 Monica also posts Gwen Smith and the TDOR Story.

Gwen Smith never set out to be a transgender activist, but now she embraces the term. “I really take pride in being called a transgender activist because I’m trying to really create activism, create advocacy around the issue and around transgender issues,” she said.

Smith is the founder of Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day that is observed worldwide in nearly 100 different locations to remember the large number of transgender people who are murdered every year as a result of anti-trans bias.

And finally, Monica tells the HRC to keep their moneygrubbing mitts off of TDOR. Fortunately, they cancelled their DC event, but they still host others. If they’re unwilling to support an inclusive ENDA, they have no business using our dead to raise funds for their activism.

Daimeon at Pam’s House Blend has posted a list of TDOR vigils.

 One item I found of interest in said post was that HRC canceled its scheduled event at HRC headquarters:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: November 19, 2007

Brad Luna | Phone: 202/216.1514 | Cell: 202/812.8140

Trevor Thomas | Phone: 202/216.1547 | Cell: 202/250.9758

MEDIA ADVISORY

Human Rights Campaign Joins in Support of National Transgender Day of Remembrance

In Lieu of Holding its Own Event, HRC Urges Community to Attend Whitman-Walker Event

WASHINGTON – Events marking the 9th Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance tomorrow, November 20, designed to honor the memories of our transgender sisters and brothers lost to hate violence, will be taking place throughout the country and locally in Washington, D.C.  In lieu of holding its own event, the Human Rights Campaign is asking its staff, volunteers, and other members of the community to be actively involved in Transgender Day of Remembrance activities throughout the country.  In Washington, D.C., HRC will participate in an event at the Whitman-Walker Clinic, 1407 S Street NW.

HRC will not be holding an event at its Rhode Island Ave. headquarters, as previously reported. 

In honor of the day, the Human Rights Campaign released two special video messages from transgender ministers Drew Phoenix, pastor of St. John’s United Methodist Church in Baltimore, MD and Presbyterian minister Rev. Erin Swenson of Atlanta, GA.

The video messages produced by HRC are available for viewing on our blog, HRC Back Story: http://www.hrcbackstory.org/2007/11/special-message.html

Additional information on the Whitman-Walker event:

WHAT: 9th Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance to commemorate transgender people and loved ones who have died due to hate violence.

WHO: Observance is sponsored by DC Trans Coalition, DCATS, International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE), Latin@s en Accion, MAGIC, National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE), Transgender Education Association (TGEA), Transgender Health Empowerment, DC Black Pride, DC Coalition of Black GLBT Men and Women, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Whitman Walker Clinic

WHERE: Whitman Walker Clinic
1407 S Street, N.W
Washington, DC
 
WHEN: 6 p.m. to 8p.m., Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Note: Candle light observance will start promptly at 6 p.m.

WHY: The Transgender Day of Remembrance memorializes those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder on November 28th, 1998 kicked off the “Remembering Our Dead” web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999. Rita Hester’s murder — like most anti-transgender murder cases — has yet to be solved.

Megan Julca has lots of links through here.

Below the Belt has posted The Monotony of Bigotry for their Crosspost Saturday. I recommend reading more of their stuff, as well. It’s a very good gender-related-and-deconstructing blog.

 Also, in the theme of the upcoming Transgender Day of Remembrance, I’d like to share 50 Under 30, a report GenderPAC assembled about violence against gender-nonconforming youth.