About Lisa
I’m a trans woman in my 30s. I transitioned in my late teens and spent too many years buying into the belief that being a trans woman meant that my gender was inferior and something to be ashamed of.
My life is not unusual. I’ve had boyfriends and girlfriends, I’ve had to hunt for jobs and housing. I’ve had to struggle with the fact that I’m a lesbian and come to terms with that. I love Buffy, Firefly, Angel, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, and of all things, Life. I play video games. I have nieces I love dearly. I have to shop at Wal-Mart because I can’t afford anything more expensive, and I do kinda hate myself because of that. I love to wear black and green. Sometimes I dye my hair. Sometimes I feel butch, and sometimes I feel femme, but I mostly identify as femme. I love school and usually hate my jobs.
I’m not an exceptional person. My life isn’t unusual or dramatic or a political statement.
For the past several years, I’ve had run-ins with radical feminists, with gay men and lesbians, with men, with women, all of whom tell me that I’m wrong, that my existence is depraved, and that my choice to transition is bad. I found under most circumstances that I wasn’t able to respond, or that I didn’t feel safe responding, or just felt that response was futile. In a lot of ways, I just didn’t really know how to frame my objections clearly. Once I read Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl, I decided that I should say something.
Just as a point of order: I’ve been labeled transsexual because I sought hormones and surgery. I’ve been labeled transgender because the word has taken on broader meanings over the years. I identify myself as a trans woman because I talk about the oppressions that trans people experience. I am a woman; I do not “identify as a woman.” My sex assigned at birth is not relevant to any conversation that I am a part of. My chromosomes are not relevant to any conversation that I am a part of. The shape of my crotch is not relevant to any conversation that I am a part of. If you say that I am transgender-identified, you are mistaken. If you say I am transsexual-identified, you are mistaken. If you think that every time you refer to me, you need to describe me as a trans woman, you’re mistaken.
If you need to contact me, my e-mail address is qt dot lisah at gmail dot com.
what a fantastic intro. very straightforward and telling. oh, and i disagree with
I’m not an exceptional person.
everything i’ve read that you’ve written so far has told quite another story. you seem pretty awesome to me
ps i love buffy, watch south park, and adore wearing black and green as well.
pps why do you say you’ve struggled with being a lesbian? just curious
wellie
7 Nov 07 at 2:52 pm
I identified as bisexual for several years, tried to date men, but never got far because I kept wishing they were women. I felt like I was obligated to be attracted to men and didn’t accept it was okay to be a lesbian, to call myself a lesbian, until I realized that I’d let myself get caught up in what I had to tell my psych to get hormones – which was, that I was attracted to men.
Lisa Harney
7 Nov 07 at 5:56 pm
well, i’m glad you’ve finally been able to come to terms with who you are
thanks for answering! i’ll definitely keep reading!
wellie
8 Nov 07 at 4:35 pm
Thank you. I came to terms back in 2000.
Lisa Harney
8 Nov 07 at 8:15 pm
No life is unextraordinary.
And no story is more worth telling than learning to live our truths.
For a long time I felt I had to choose. Peoplel understood being straight or being lesbian but the idea of bisexuality was often lost.
I gave up being understood or believed and finally chocked it up to just one more thing I wasn’t going to be liked over.
Of course, where I’m deeply happy I found your blog and utterly accept you as a transwoman, I admit to being disappointed on the Seinfeld and South Park revelation. But I won’t judge. Besides, Firefly, Buffy, Angel, BSG, Heroes and Supernatural more than make up for it. If I found out you were a Stargate fan too I’d have to bump some folks off my best friend list to make room for you. Well, my “close friend” list anyway. Seinfeld and South Park is just a lot to get over. *grin*
Off to keep reading…
~X
Xakara
13 Nov 07 at 7:21 am
Yeah, the television’s about 6 feet from the computer, and I am often too lazy to just turn it off after Supernatural ends, so Seinfeld, South Park, and Frasier play behind me. I’m not proud of this, I admit that it’s because the remote somehow ends up out of arm’s reach and I’m too busy reading or writing.
I am a fan of Stargate. I got Showtime specifically to watch it when the series started, and have tried to keep up through the years – it’s been spotty, though.
Also, Doctor Who. I didn’t mention Starget because SHUT UP, that’s why.
I should add Farscape to the list, which is pure demented genius.
My point about not being exceptional is just, well, except for being trans my life is utterly like other people’s. Or trans people’s lives in general. We have to worry about the same things, live in the same world, pay rent, deal with human beings. Being trans makes it harder, but it doesn’t change our essential humanness.
Thank you for the kind words.
Lisa Harney
13 Nov 07 at 12:39 pm
Hello Lisa,
The first and most important thing I want to say is Joss Whedon is a genius and anyone who is into the Whedonverse already is doing something right.
I ran across your blog by reading a comment you left on Amanda Baggs’s blog (Ballastexsistenz) and I thought I’d stop by and say hi. It’s interesting timing that I just now happen to come across your blog. I recently reconnected with a friend and…well, let me back up a bit.
I used to be a tournament table tennis player before my body betrayed me and kept me from playing. One of my favorite playing partners decided to move east with the woman he was dating, partly because she had family there and partly because the table tennis scene is a lot bigger on the east coast.
Things being what they are, we lost touch. However, not long ago I received an email letting me know he would be in town on business and wanting to know if I’d like to get together. “Of course,” I said. One thing struck me as curious, though. The email address was different than I remember, in a number of ways. I sent back an email asking about this curious email address, and the response was, “Well, I guess a picture is worth a thousand words.” My friend, who had left as a man, was now a woman.
My response? “And I thought *I* had changed since we last saw each other.
” She appreciated the humor and it opened a dialogue about what had transpred since we last had seen each other.
I’m still working through this a bit. For example, I still have the occasional pronoun problem (for most people you don’t have to change them midstream). However, I understand that any problems I have are *my* problems, not hers. And they’re not major. I am a little ticked that she didn’t tell me before I asked about the email address. If I hadn’t noticed that before we met it really might have been awkward.
I think, though, it’s mostly just a matter of acclimating myself to the change. I knew my friend as a him a lot longer than I’ve known her as a her, so I figure I can take a few beats to wrap my head around the information.
I used to write stand-up comedy, and my friend is writing an autobiography (being transgendered isn’t the only interesting thing in her life…). She’s asked me to write some material for her book. I submitted a few bits and she really liked them, so hey, maybe I’ll be published!
Anyway, long pointless story. The good news? There’s a rumor that Joss has a new series in the works starring Eliza Dushku!
Regards,
Jim
Jim Short
18 Nov 07 at 1:09 pm
Thank you for dropping by, Jim.
I’d read about the new Eliza Dushku series recently, but beyond the premise I know practically nothing.
I wish more people would get that – it’s not about them, stop making it about them, stop scapegoating trans people (or autistic people, or people of color, etc.) because of their own baggage.
And yeah, she probably could’ve told you right away, but it’s not always easy to just come out and say it, even after transition. I told my biological father a few years after my transition, and I’d communicated with him prior to that time without telling him – I should have, but there were certain pressures or expectations that made it harder for me to say anything.
Lisa Harney
18 Nov 07 at 1:19 pm
wow a mirror of myself, and im a little younger. though I would give you a toodles to a blog well done
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
24 Nov 07 at 2:57 pm
I can relate to the “wishing she had told me earlier” thing. My fiance, very much a stereotypical guy when we met, started dating, and got engaged, waited a year to tell me. Of course he* was scared, but I felt angry that he waited until we had planned this life together and I had not thought of him as anything but a male at all. I felt that if he had told me right away that he wanted to transition, I would have still wanted to form a relationship, and I wouldn’t have all of these “guy” things to say goodbye to later on, after I had grown to love them. But you never know. One thing I really felt was betrayal, like he was just luring me in only to pull a 180 on me, hoping my love for hom would keep me around. Well, I know it wasn’t as malicious, but it worked, either way.
*He prefers masculine pronouns for the time being, as he hasn’t transitioned very noticeably yet and is waiting for hormones (which he’ll hopefully have by the end of December when his bloodwork comes back).
choreographedcacophonics
29 Nov 07 at 2:24 pm
For a lot of trans people, coming out is really hard. I mean, terrifyingly so. My top three most frightening moments in my life were, from least to most:
* having panic attacks so bad I thought I was dying, and the thought that I would die amplified the panic attacks. Terrible self-reinforcing loop there.
* Performing on stage – I was so scared, I was hoping I’d drop dead so I wouldn’t have to say my lines.
* Coming out as trans. I felt like coming out and telling people would actually make the sky fall and the stars go out. It took a lot of effort to reach the point where I could tell.
I know it feels like a betrayal, and it is pretty hard on both sides. I… resolved things by avoiding relationships until transition. Admittedly, that wasn’t very long – from 17 (when I decided to transition) to nearly 19 (when I changed my name and life).
My sympathies for being on the receiving end, though. This is never an easy process for anyone involved. I know that just saying “this is scary” doesn’t help resolve your reaction, but I am glad you see it wasn’t malicious.
Lisa Harney
29 Nov 07 at 2:37 pm
Hi Lisa,
is there a way i can contact you via email?
–Jay
jayinchicago
29 Nov 07 at 4:14 pm
Hey, I want to talk to you about co-writing a piece for our blogs – can you email me? Thanks
E. from Screw Bronze
elizabeth
25 Dec 07 at 6:22 pm
Lisa, thanks for your well written blog. I appreciate your thoughtful writings and insights. Most importantly, thank you for opening up your world. It is only by shining light that ignorance will be banished.
Carl
5 Jan 08 at 6:44 am
I just came here from another blog which was really angry about the term ‘cis gendered’. I just wanted to say I thought your answers there were really helpful and polite and it seems strange to me that people who define themselves as against oppression are so quick to turn on others who they see as threatening in some way.
I do see a problem between the importance of highlighting (non-cis?) experiences and advocating for non cis peoples and avoiding all distinguishing language (i.e. dropping the ‘trans’ or ‘cis’).
I was really surprised by the vitriol I saw. Doesn’t gender need dismantling rather than reclaiming? I know it is complicated and that essentialising gender can be a strategic move, but I think that ultimately we’d be better off without it. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Brynn
23 Mar 08 at 1:27 am
You came from Witchy’s? Yeah, her post’s basic premise doesn’t even make sense – the idea that cis is only applied to women (cis is applied to men and women), and the idea that applying it to women somehow obliviates their femaleness. I take that to mean that they see trans as obliviating my womanhood, therefore the opposite must obliviate theirs.
I realize that asking for no distinguishing language at all isn’t realistic – or rather, it’s about as realistic as asking that I not have a word to describe people who aren’t trans that doesn’t privilege and center their experiences over mine.
And yes, it is really strange that people who are against oppression against themselves are so thoroughly okay with oppression for other people.
I think the attitude is that trans people reify gender because we choose to switch from male to female or female to male, and somehow not changing from male to female or female to male does not reify gender. If you’re fine with how you were born, then staying that way doesn’t reinforce the gender binary at all – it’s only people who transgress the borders who do.
Also, I prefer cissexual to get away from cisgender or gender, because cisgender creates a lot of sound and fury. Admittedly, cissexual does too, because apparently no one understands being defined in terms of not wanting to change their sex.
Thank you for the comment.
Lisa Harney
23 Mar 08 at 1:38 am
Hey there Lisa!! {waves}
I am a Lisa too!! How about that? *LOL*
I will be a regular at your blog so keep it interesting okay?? *LOL*
I am putting a link on my blog to your blog!!
Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa
(the other “cool” Lisa in the blogosphere!)
Blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com
1 Jul 08 at 1:06 am
Thank you for dropping by!
I’ve been a bit slow on updating lately, but I hope to turn that around again.
Lisa Harney
1 Jul 08 at 3:04 am
A friend of mine just sent me a link to your blog. I have added you to my list of folks I read. Thank you for being in the blogosphere and for sharing yourself.
You can find me at http://revjohnny.livejournal.com/ and at http://annmariekneebone.blogspot.com/.
Rev Johnny
14 Aug 08 at 3:08 pm
Hiya – sorry about the delay in posting. Your comment was stuck in the spam trap.
Checking out your blog.
Lisa Harney
17 Aug 08 at 10:09 am
hey lisa, you blog is fantastic. thanks for the kudos for friday’s counter-protest. i will totally link to your blog from mine. we definitely have some similar themes. ciao bella…
~becca
rebecca
18 Aug 08 at 7:58 am
hey lisa,
your blog is amazing.
Im from Turkey. I am not a tranperson but have witnessed to transphobia by the crime of my friend. I have never become an official member of a LGBT organisation since the “T” was always less pronounced. And I stopped dorpping by the gaybars that are simply transphobic. And marched with my transfriends instead of other feminist groups who didnt want to march with trans-women.
In Turkey, we dont have the luxury to be divided. When a lesbian ignored by a gay man or when a transexual is neglected by a group of bisexuals. I cant stand it.
I am aware of the fact that each individual has their own experience. Me, beaten by my father , might not be same by my sex-worker friend punched by her customer. Our life expereiences and the opportunities offered to us are all different. Transindividuals are totally refused by their family, excluded from market and can not even walk on the street without being subjected to verbal abuse.
but the reason behind the bitter experiences of trans,lesbian,gey,bi individuals are all same. so , I still hope for uniting them all. In which they can all vocalise their uniq identity but become a one louder voice to fight against the intolerance/hatred.
Your blog make my day.
I will keep following it.
Good luck and yes, you are brave!
petunia
18 Aug 08 at 1:47 pm
Thank you Rebecca – how did the protest go? I’d love to post an update.
Thank you, Petunia. We’ve had some trouble with the LGBT alliances in the US, too – the largest LGBT rights organization cooperated in booting T off of a civil rights bill last year because they felt that was necessary for them (as LG primarily, they’d boot the B too if they could) to get their half a loaf first.
It’s really frustrating to deal with that on top of the rest of the world being the way it is.
Lisa Harney
18 Aug 08 at 1:53 pm
Hi, I am writing to say I enjoyed your blog. Also, I think the prison industrial complex and trans justice struggles against it should be given a category, unless I missed that? There is a lot of amazing work that has been done (Transforming Justice Conference in San Francisco in 2006) and is in process (the next Transforming Justice Conference) that I think its important to recognize, especially the ways that racism, transphobia and the PIC reinforce one another!
Thanks!
Malcolm
22 Aug 08 at 7:09 am
You’re right – I’ve somehow kept skipping the topic, although I’ve wanted to post about it since I started last November.
I got into a conversation about this somewhere but it kept getting derailed into “trans women will rape cis women if we let them into women’s prisons.”
Lisa Harney
22 Aug 08 at 10:05 am
And that’s not why I haven’t said anything, because that’s a damned good reason to say something, but rather the only conversation I’ve come across, which is why I should have said something before now.
Lisa Harney
22 Aug 08 at 10:35 am
Hey Lisa, got burn out from listening to anti trans stuff over yonder. Just wanted to say hi, and to apologise for my tanty over intellectual snobbery which started a thread drift. I would have apologised IN that thread – except that I think it may have restarted the drift you know. And there was some good stuff happening that needed to not be disrupted by tangents.
I was getting really upset yesterday. This stuff affects people’s lives and I don’t understand the attitudes that come up over it. I just don’t. So anyway. Thanks for all the comments, you write well and I wish we lived in a world where you didn’t cop so much resistance and vitriol, where people could live their lives, and make their choices, and be treated well.
fuckpoliteness
27 Aug 08 at 9:43 pm
Thank you much, fp.
Lisa Harney
27 Aug 08 at 9:46 pm
Not at all Lisa! Very glad to have found your blog. You write with power. I likes it a lot.
fuckpoliteness
29 Aug 08 at 3:53 am
Hi Lisa. I’m very happy to have found your blog! I found it through the Bilerico “educate me” mess.
poolboi
6 Sep 08 at 10:30 pm
Hey, poolboi!
Glad you could make it.
Lisa Harney
9 Sep 08 at 5:45 pm
Send me an E-mail. You and I have several things in common.
Monica Helms
11 Sep 08 at 6:58 am
Hi Lisa,
I’ve been following Questioning Transphobia for a while, and I’d like to contact you with a proposal. I’m working on creating a ‘zine compiling anti-oppression trans writing and I want to talk to you about this, as I love what QT has been so far and how amazing it’s been at tackling trans issues.
I couldn’t find a contact e-mail anywhere in the blog. If you’re interested, could you drop me a line?
Thank you very much
Ariel
Ariel Silvera
24 Sep 08 at 4:25 am
Hey Lisa,
Amazing! I just found your QT site today and have been reading all the posts and stuff:-)
Where do I start?! So relate to what you say about feeling you have to buy into being a straight woman if you are to justify your transition! I always knew I was a lesbian but internalised a lot of guilt about it, did it just make me a straight guy? (NO!)
I transitioned back in the eighties in the face of a radical separatist community who put all that transphobia stuff onto me… I was once booted out of this lesbian’s house when I outed myself to her ~ bad move, but you find out the truth about people that way LOL!
I had an interesting time as a transfeminist, finding my gender expression as a woman but also not conforming to conventional straight norms (except sometimes at the gender clinic hahaha)
I kept my head down from the feminist community in the nineties, but joined a local lesbian/bi social group in 2004. I’ve never been totally out within that group, although to some of the women I have become close friends with. I do feel conflictual about how out I should be, it is still a matter of personal privacy as far as I am concerned, but as the world changes I’m becoming more relaxed about it after all these years. The group has a trans/IS inclusion policy, but you never know where the phobics might be lurking…
And the world *has* changed immeasurably since the eighties when it comes to trans rights. The battle still goes on with the transphobes, but I really do feel we have them on the run, at least here in UK the legal situation has improved so vastly that while there are still transphobes around, an increasing number of people are embarrassed to be seen associated with them.
Really so glad to see you taking the argument forward so confidently, coming as I do from a world and a time when the mere act of transition was a passport to total exclusion from the world of lesbians and feminist discourse, and an absolute silencing of my voice. You are making the arguments I tried to make in the eighties to the radical separatists here in Leeds (the epicentre of radfem in the UK as you may know) but which I was damned for making at the time.
Primarily that only I have the right to define and interpret my experience, the argument they so forcibly made for themselves, only then to go on and claim the absolute right to define and interpret *my* experience. And to completely ignore the fact that in passing as a woman I had given up the male privilege they claimed I possessed, that to them I was accepted as a right on woman in my behaviour and appearance until they knew about my invisible past that I had done so much to escape from. To completely refuse to listen to my point of view or explanation of my experience.
Ironic that one of the most popular feminist books at the time was ‘Our Bodies, Ourselves’. I always thought that title so aptly described my own situation. My body was the basis of my gender experience. I didn’t know what socially conditioned basis women or men took as the foundation of their lives, I was completely confused about that, all I knew was that I was absolutely alienated from the experience of my own body and needed to have it corrected. My body is, and always has been the primary basis for my gender identification. Thankfully corrected long ago.
And yet transphobe feminists still argue on the basis of social role conditioning as the basis of gender identity. So good to read your eloquent expression of cisgender or cissexual privilege, how they have no right to use their privileged okayness with their bodies to condemn our dysphoria.
I really never thought we would ever get to a place where these truths could be so proudly proclaimed, and yet here we are! Truly wondrous!
Oh, and yay to the Whedonverse while I’m here;-)
Claire
Claire
6 Nov 08 at 3:43 pm
Thank you for dropping by, Claire. I really appreciate the long letter.
Yeah, I didn’t even get as far as you did into feminism before I encountered hatred toward trans women, and the sense that lesbians hated trans women was one of the things that kept me from identifying as a lesbian for a long time (not the primary reason, though).
I think even now there’s still a lot of stuff going around in the feminist and queer movements, especially in the US, that needs to be taken on – and the fact that we’re just barely getting our own voices to talk about oppression in the past several years (Namaste and Serano, for published work), plus moving forward with stuff like the Stonewall protest earlier today.
Transphobic feminism is so self-contradictory and inconsistent that I had trouble finding good starting points for refuting it. Not because it was hard to see what was wrong, but there was so much that was wrong.
Anyway, I really appreciate this comment. Thank you for dropping by.
Lisa Harney
6 Nov 08 at 3:51 pm
Hi Lisa,
I’ve just checked out reports on the Stonewall protest and it seems there were a mere 8 supporters of the Bindel compared to a final tally of nearly 70 protesting against:-)
You have so many threads going that I could post to, but with reference to the old saw that we are ‘using male privilege to assume we can invade women’s space’ I thought you may be interested in my own experience of this.
My first encounter with a women only space was in 1975 when visiting the first transwoman I ever knew. Her living room was occupied by a consciousness raising group invited by her girlfriend and I was hurriedly ushered through to the kitchen where we hung out as we were barely tolerated. As transwomen in the seventies we were politically unacceptable and invisible, but the group could hardly evict her from her own flat! Her girlfriend was late home so she wasn’t there.
I didn’t succeed in transitioning at the time due to too many pressures, feminist exclusion being one of them.
Fast forward to the mid eighties. I have transitioned and am friends with a young lesbian who invites me on her birthday outing to a stately home on a summer’s day. Only she knows my status and is cool with it. I seem to get on well with the other women, all lesbians, and some separatists. One, the driver of the car, seems to take a shine to me and invites me for dinner…
A few days later I take her a houseplant as a gift, we are getting on fine, eat, drink several glasses of wine, then she starts quizzing me on how she has never come across such a sassy lesbian at any consciousness raising groups (them again!) or such before. I um and ah a bit, but she is coming on strong and I can feel a pass is in the air, so I out myself. Oh dear! I’m shooed out of the door within less than a minute with no chance to explain myself or debate the subject, or even finish my glass of wine ~ ‘I don’t have men in my house’.
[A couple of weeks ago I met a young feminist who told me that she had read an article in the Leeds Feminist Archive which sounded like it had been written by this woman, saying I had invaded her space and had been ‘messing’ with her houseplants. I’m looking forward to getting a view of this as I have been promised the chance to add my twenty odd year late response to this!)
After this I steered clear of the feminist community for many years, it was traumatic and took me a long time to get over.
In 2004 I reconnected with the student gaysoc, now LGBT soc and told some of them how I wanted to get into the lesbian social network but didn’t have the confidence. Four of these young women, thirty years my junior invited me to come with them to a local lesbian social group. I was terrified of being outed, but felt wonderfully supported by having my own private army who would stand up for me LOL
No one gave me any grief or even identified me as trans, and I became a regular of the lesbian group. About six months later a website was being set up for the group and I was invited to be webmistress as I was consistent in my support for the group and had some webgroup experience.
Some time later a group of women who were involved with the group and webpage got together and we discussed trans inclusion for the group. It was fully supported, and I never had to raise the issue myself or press for it, or even out myself, it just came up naturally and was dealt with in a sensible manner.
Do you notice the thread of continuity here? At all stages I was invited by lesbians, although also when it was known by some women that I was trans I was excluded. In the first part of this story a trans woman was excluded from her own living room by a bunch of hostile feminists who refused to accept her or have any gratitude for the fact that she was offering them the space to meet.
My own experience thus entirely debunks the hypothesis that transwomen force and demand their way into women’s spaces.
The way we were excluded from the women’s space is also entirely congruent with what you point out on the ‘Oh, Amanta’ thread.
*
For example, you raise the point that trans women aren’t raised as girls, and you tell us that this is why we should be excluded from women-only spaces and not complain about it. I want to ask you: Do you not see how abusive, how violent, how alienating it would be for a girl to be raised as a boy no matter how much she protests? And would this woman be welcomed into women-only spaces, knowing she had endured such an abusive upbringing?
*
That’s what trans women grow up with – it’s abusive, violent, and alienating. And now, this abuse, violence, and alienation that was forced upon us as we grew up is used as a reason to justify further abuse, violence, and alienation from a movement that is allegedly for all women, but is really only for some women. Not only do you deny that trans women are women, but you hold the violence inflicted upon us against our will as something we must be held responsible for.
I’ve always argued this case, but until recently no-one would listen.
Really appreciate the blog, I’ll try and drop by again soon, it’s really inspiring and affirmative:-)
Claire
Claire
6 Nov 08 at 5:26 pm
I’ve been saying it like this more recently:
Cis feminists like to accuse trans women of using male privilege to “take up too much space,” but all of the examples are of trans women trying to take up as much space as a cis woman. For example, if a trans woman tries to gain access to a woman-only space, whether it’s a music festival, a support group for lesbians, or a domestic violence shelter, she’s asking for the same accommodation that any cis woman receives.
This is what they mean when they say that trans women take up too much space – that we want to take up the same amount of space as they do. That is, it’s unacceptable for us to be anything but subordinate to them and their needs.
Lisa Harney
6 Nov 08 at 5:31 pm
Also, thank you for the anecdotes – and sympathies for having to deal with that.
Lisa Harney
6 Nov 08 at 5:33 pm
#
Cis feminists like to accuse trans women of using male privilege to “take up too much space,” but all of the examples are of trans women trying to take up as much space as a cis woman.
I think they’d rather we didn’t take up any space at all! LOL Actually I have taken up much less space than a lot of them due to my diffidence and pastfeeling of inferiority, even though in recent years I have given a lot to the women’s social scene here in Leeds.
Actually, I take a certain amount of amusement from the fact that I have made a genuine contribution, given that a once lively women’s scene in Leeds died when before it was vibrant. There is no way of telling why exactly, but it coincides with the exodus of a good many activists to a small town in the Pennines called Hebden Bridge a few years ago, leaving something of a vacuum.
Now when contacting our group, one of the main anxieties that new women express is that the group is not a hard line dungarees and Doc Marten’s [boots] skinhead lesbian feminist separatist group. I take great pleasure in reassuring them that women of all types are welcome and that you don’t have to have a political stance.. it is a social group for heaven’s sake, not a guerilla training camp! LOL
My pleasure by the way, I am fairly well healed from those long past traumas. Those separatists seem to have f****d off to the hills long ago and good riddance
Claire
Claire
6 Nov 08 at 5:51 pm
Well, yeah. They’ve made it plain they don’t think we should exist at all – or that they don’t believe we truthfully report our own experiences.
Also, they still exist, although at this point I think the LG…b…(t) movement needs a lot of criticism, at least in the US.
Lisa Harney
6 Nov 08 at 5:58 pm
Hi Lisa,
Sorry about such long posts the other night!
I have dug out an old booklet from the early ’80s titled ‘Divided Sisterhood’ by a Carol Riddell, a response to Janice Raymond’s ‘TS Empire’. Interesting!
If you would like to privmail me I could send you photos of it by email.
Also looking forward to seeing the article in the Leeds Feminist Archive, it was Revolutionary Feminist or somesuch, apparently it ran to 4 pages so they must have thought I was a real threat LOL all one of me!
Best Regards.
Claire
10 Nov 08 at 6:15 pm
omg claire you have “Divided Sisterhood”?
would it be okay if Lisa forwarded said photos/scans to me me me me me?
(please?)
i’ve heard of this booklet but never seen it, you see, and seeing as that i had Janice Raymond as a prof in college, my interest is most piqued.
algormortis
12 Nov 08 at 6:22 am
Hey Algormortis,
Sorry about the delay in replying:-(
Yeah if it is possible to send the photostats via Lisa, I would be happy to. Rather not post my email addy as I’m sure you understand.
You will see from the photos that it is the original 1980 pamphlet edition from Moss Side Community Press, Women’s Co-op, Manchester. A dear friend called Lilith gave it to me in the mid eighties and it is one of my most important momentos of my transition.
What was it like to have JR as a prof? She is poison!
Claire
18 Nov 08 at 8:48 am
I came over via IBTP where you did some serious ass kicking. (Kudos).
As someone who identifies as a radical feminist in that I am an anarcho-eco-feminist, I too have major concerns about transphobia in feminist communities.
Let me rephrase that. I am sickened and angered at my sister feminists who prefer to blame transwomen versus the racist, heterosexist, homo/trans/biphobic, ageist, fatphobic, ableist, classist patriarchy.
My introduction to transphobia in feminist communities was Greer’s “The Whole Woman” which was assigned reading in an anthropology of women course I was taking. (It was basically an anthropology of cis women class). This introduction, of course, demonstrates my cis privilege as I had never given it a second thought before then.
I appreciate your candidness in speaking about this very important (and often ignored and perpetuated) form of oppression, and look forward to continue reading the blog!
Monika
shermanvolvo
29 Nov 08 at 2:36 pm
I think it fucking hilarious, that most “hardcore feminists” are not that dissimilar from the corrupt, oppressive boys club that they choose to rail against.
Both judge people solely on gender, incapable of seeing in anyone for who they are…..Both are equally elitist, and have an equally oppressive mindset based on stereotypes.
“Hardcore Feminists” rally against the notion that there is the one singular stereotype that defines women, yet are more than happy to box any born with genital different than theirs as “inferior”
“You can’t be this, cause you’re were born like THIS!”
Think about it….its the same mentality, as the people they’re fighting against.
And much like racists, and the sexists that came before them, they paint themselves to be the oppressed ones, to justify their closed minded elitist beliefs.
AKA:
“Blacks are keeping the white man down! I don’t want using my water fountain, in my space! They’re different and Inferior! Segregation!”
and
“Men are oppressive, and keep women down! So I don’t want some male to female transsexual in my bathroom, in my space! They’re different and inferior! Segreation!”
Really? That enlightened thought, is it?
Both are equally retarded. And its the same sort of thinking.
So I don’t care. I’m fine with being a freak…..I really don’t care anymore.
I’m a “freak, a mutant, a space alien”.
So be it…..
I know who I am….and the fact that some gay people react to transexuals, the same way bible thumpers react to them.
“That’s unnatural! That’s against nature! You’re freaky!”
….
Well, that’s just funny really. And ironic.
Kinda sad……..but still funny.
Anyway, my point is, life is too short to care about what those idiots think.
And once you know they’re idiots…..then it takes a whole bunch of pressure of.
They don’t know. They’re just as screwed up as the stupid rednecks, they HATE.
So….who cares what they think, really?
- Zero (A mtf weirdo)
Zero
16 Dec 08 at 3:33 am
Note: I do not think that “hardcore feminists” are actually like this. But I’ve never heard a feminazi refer to herself as a feminazi, before. So I’ll just go with their terminology, I suppose.
Although….feminazi is a WAY better word, I have to admit.
Zero
16 Dec 08 at 3:46 am
hey zero-
“retarded” is, politely, kind of offensive. i can explain at length if you’d like but…succinctly, it should be rather obvious that using a term used to mock those who aren’t neurotypical is inappropriate.
see, i’m “mentally retarded”, and, uh, i’m not as dumb as what you describe. quite a spot smarter, i hope.
algormortis
18 Dec 08 at 2:11 am
I’m sorry I missed that, algormortis. I’m usually way better at noticing it.
Anyway, yeah, ‘retarded’ used that way not really acceptable.
Lisa Harney
18 Dec 08 at 6:23 am
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for your amazing work here and throughout the net.
I recently came across your post regarding the Marriage Equality conference last weekend and your exchange with Autumn regarding a trans voice in the marriage equality campaign.
I agree we should focus our efforts on safe/equal access to employment, health services, and education.
God knows I am just trying to get a date not marry.
But I do feel that trans voices are needed and seemed to be missing from the campaign, furthermore we would be affected if the marriage ban stands.
Also issues were raised that the Equality conference felt polarized whites in the front and people of color in the back of the room. This is an example of poor leadership among all parties.
My feelings: Why as trans people,as woman, as people of color and all undeserved people do we not just make are way to the front of the room.
By not letting ourselves be pushed back we create change and have in the past through non-violent activism. With the intention to be heard and understood by our actions.
Instead I observe all this in-fighting and the trend to hide behind computers. Although there is a growing community for this, I feel we can do better.
But what will this aggression accomplish if we do not get the work done to create the change we want and build community.
Educating vs Fighting
In conclusion I presented at the L.A. “Equality and Parity II conference” this week on how to develop local Transgender Economic Empowerment Initiatives like the TEEI program in SF, CA. During the presentation my co-worker and I felt rudely interrupted by several participants asking the same question.
“Why is there not a trans economic development program in my city?”
In midst of frustration I was heard by cutting through the anger by uttering something like… The programs are not available because your local community yet to creat them. It is up to your to stand up and created it, to make an effort to evaluate the need and then go out to find the funds and collaboration to make it happen.
That is why we are here to provide you with the tools and infomation so you can empower yourself and your communities to create programs that serve your needs.
There was a silence in the room, folks seemed to get it and were willing to make an effort in the small group work and planning.
In our efforts to create change and opportunities we must look no further then ourselves because we alone do have the power to take action and get the work done.
Thanks for your hard work! Joy
Joy
28 Jan 09 at 11:01 pm
Lisa,
Thanks for your compassion and understanding and for pointing out my mistakes in a sensitive and educational manner. I really appreciate it.
p.s. I love buffy too!
Laura.
Laura S
12 Feb 09 at 4:33 pm
Being sensitive about it shouldn’t matter. When you’re talking about other people’s lives like that, their anger should be far more meaningful than how polite a third party may appear to be.
Lisa Harney
12 Feb 09 at 6:09 pm
Laura: Since you’re a femiinst and everything, you should be well aware of how women’s anger is all too often cast as “unreasonable” and “too mean.” This happens in extremely racialized ways too, and your comment amounts to this:
“I am so glad that a Nice White Lady came along to educate me about my racism.”
Lisa was there to support Renee, not serve as some kind of intermediary. In case you misunderstood.
Kristin
12 Feb 09 at 6:15 pm
Laura, you should read this as you are definitely using that Wite-Magik Attak.
drakyn
12 Feb 09 at 6:16 pm
And, not to mention, you are not owed “compassion” from anyone who is incensed by the kind of willful ignorance you displayed there.
Kristin
12 Feb 09 at 6:18 pm
Oh Laura completely missed the boat on that one. I am sure she thought that Lisa was just interpreting my words
Renee
12 Feb 09 at 6:36 pm
Hi Lisa! I want to leave this comment for all four of you girls who blog on here, but I guess I’ll leave it here.
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for having this blog. I am a woman of transgender experience, and I constantly feel like I have to fight against EVERYBODY pretty much every second of my life just to live at all. I’m lucky enough to be a strong-willed, stubborn, uncompromising crazywoman so I haven’t COMPLETELY given up yet, but I barely do it, and I end up feeling burnt and alone, and wondering if I’m just wrong.
Finding your blog (a friend recommended it) is one of the best things that has happened to me in recent memory! I have been reading Questioning Transphobia in every spare moment for the past three days, and crying from relief most of the time. Reading your posts has let me know I’m not alone, and has given me confidence to not feel ashamed of myself when I don’t pass, which is most of the time. (I don’t want to give in to the cisgendered need to have me prove my gender anymore!)
I can’t thank you enough, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
Much love,
Elizabeth
Elizabeth
17 Mar 09 at 10:31 pm
I’m sorry I let this sit for so many days:
I really appreciate you dropping by to say this.
Also, it helps to read other trans people who say
Because that’s why this blog is here.
Lisa Harney
28 Mar 09 at 4:56 pm
Hello Lisa!
As a white (ish) male I can’t necessarily relate to many of the problems you blog about here, but I have to say that reading about it has been enlightening. I was enrolled in a class about global gender relations this semester, and am currently working on a final paper about how the feminist movement’s resistance (and sometimes flat refusal) to accept transgendered women speaks volumes about some of the more outdated aspects of ‘modern’ feminism.
Needless to say, I stumbled upon your blog while doing research and ended up reading more than I had planned – it’s all very interesting stuff (and well written, I may add).
I’m using a lot of your insight to assist in the thought process for my paper…just wondering if you had any additional general insight into the role (or lack thereof) of transgendered women in feminism today?
Keep Writing!
-Naveed
Naveed
3 May 09 at 9:42 pm
Naveed there’s a lot of people here who *do* relate as males to many of the problems Lisa blogs about. If you meant how she blogs about transmisogyny then that makes sense. If you identified yourself as male to refer to your trans status then you’ll have to try that one again. Male/female does not equal non trans
lynn
5 May 09 at 6:31 pm
Yeah, that.
And any time lately I talk about trans women in feminism, I find I repeat myself a lot.
Lisa Harney
5 May 09 at 6:33 pm
Naveed, i’m *sure* you’re not using trans women as an instrument in an MRA attack against women, right?
RIGHT?
GallingGalla
5 May 09 at 9:01 pm
Lisa, any further information on the murder yet ? verified, etc ?
Thank you
Love your writings, will stay tuned for more
Sindee
prilea
19 Jun 09 at 10:32 am
hello lisa, i apologize for being a typo ridden commenter – Hep C is no excuse. I remain a 52 activist and do all i can as i am able to. On ssdi a retired social worker..genderqueer all my life and ghettoized. I read Whipping Girl and it changed my life too. Now reading Kelly Winters Gender Madness in American Psychiatry now that is book that should be in every counseling education curriculum out there..and i too hate myself for having to shop at Walmart -
yours in solidarity
proudprogressiveTG
(i know i cannot keep up with the intellects here however my heart couldn’t be more invested in reading the posts and wonderful comments of your regulars )
Thank for this excellent blog which now is on top of my blog roll – and if my comment in the cis hostile thread is too muddled feel free not to post – no hard feelings at all – ever.)
proudprogressive
30 Jun 09 at 11:55 am
Hi Lisa,
I discovered QT about a couple of months ago and it’s been very enlightening – and pretty scary. The US seems to be a VERY dangerous place for transpeople. I live in the UK and the worst I’ve had to endure in the last 6 years since I first transitioned is the semi-occasional burst of verbal abuse. I don’t know whether that’s because the UK is safer or if I’ve just been plain fortunate. I know an ex-American transwoman who emigrated here primarily because of safety concerns. I think Joss Whedon is great too but killing off Tara – unforgivable! Thank you for providing such a great site and may you long continue!
Take care,
Rebecca
Rebecca Ashling
21 Jul 09 at 2:57 am
hey lisa,
i’m writing a report on trans inclusion for a foundation and wondered if i could include (and credit) the how to be a cisgendered ally. i don’t think it’s actually titled that tho. i found it to be really helpful but i may have to make a change or two around language. would that be ok? thanks for putting it together!!! -gabriel
gabriel
25 Sep 09 at 2:22 pm
“I am a woman; I do not “identify as a woman.” My sex assigned at birth is not relevant to any conversation that I am a part of.” LOVE this. Thank you for your work! Can’t wait to read more…
best!
Jen
Jen
19 Oct 09 at 12:55 pm
I have to say a big hell yes, to everything, from your powerfully insightful posts, to your greatly inspirational experiences. It may not seem so, but you inspire action and pride.
Zoey
15 Dec 09 at 5:39 pm
Lisa I am so glad I came across your blog. As a long term supporter of the transgendered community I have to say I commend you so much on your openness and your work on your blog.
Emma
8 Jan 10 at 3:48 am
lisa or emily-
is there a contact e-mail?
there is something i wanted to tell you (not online)
um, as it relates to this blog i thought you might e-mail me as you have my e-mail,
i think.
this is wierd but you’ll understand when i tell you, it is actually pretty important but i’d like to be discrete-
thanks very much,
javier
javier
4 Mar 10 at 4:49 pm
Yes, it’s the last line in the post.
Lisa Harney
4 Mar 10 at 5:36 pm
ok i e-mailed you…..
javier
4 Mar 10 at 5:39 pm
I see, hear, and feel this debate quite a bit. Honestly I don’t always know how to feel it… I know who I am, and I know that it doesn’t conform to the gender norm. People really get dissected on the basics of humanity a lot, and it usually societal pressure, and exterior patronizing that exacerbates the feeling.
I am a woman, I was born a woman, and I will always be a woman inside myself regardless of medical evidence of my birth to the contrary and being issued the wrong parts for my mind at birth. But, nonetheless, the world will try to define you in the sense of their realities, rather than realizing every individual’s own innate sense of reality. The guy in the psyche ward of your local hospital who thinks he is a bird, is really a bird in his reality.
Sorry, not here to deconstruct reality, only to make a different point. Emphasis made by others to define our universes is the exertion of individuals will. We see the world a certain way, this is our reality, and we then seek to enforce our reality on the actual universe. It doesn’t work so well, and for many reasons. The only person you are fundamentally in control of is yourself. You can manipulate and bend, and coax others, but on the most basic level it’s still their choice, whether that choice be viable.
Common mistakes I see in the global dissection project underway by those who seek world domination (Ideological) are many and abundant. First thing I usually see is the convolution of self with stereotypes that or simply only true a fraction of the time. This means the confusion of mixing sexual orientation and sexual identity. Behaviors associated with both are essential to who you are, but their influences are different and independent. I.E. BBL Theory where “homosexual transsexual” = “sexual deviancy, and paraphilia”. Its hard to ignore the idiots who get a head start on you by trying to make a stupid idea into a stupid law, but I digress.
Next fundamental aspect people get all mixed up in a blender is masculinity/femininity and gender identification. If all feminine people were really women inside, and all masculine people were really men inside; then you would see a lot of people (maybe as much as half of the world population) dressing in the clothing of the opposite genders. I don’t necessarily believe in the gender spectrum, as is that no one wants to be a 50/50 girl/boy. No body wants to be an intersexed, or transsexed person, you generally either want to be one or the other gender and presentation… This doesn’t apply to all people even still. I blame the sexist fixation our society has on genitals for people being less able to identify as a gender, not a physical/psychosocial attribute. But it is only through the melding of our masculine side, and feminine side coupled with our gender identities that makes the fundamental change. Its like the same issue people have with astrology… They read about one attribute of their chart, and stop there and say… Well, that’s not me… Most don’t stop to see the different aspects of self and see that they tend to come into balances with one another. I.E. If you like money, but you love people more than money, your desire to obtain wealth with be altered be the other desire, no matter how big, no matter how small.
So, where I stand… You have these traits, but not limited to: Gender Identity, Core Sexual Orientation, Feminine and Masculine Trait Conditioning, and Life Experiences to modulate you into the person you are. Most XY people are right handed, and relatively useless with the left hand, I fit this status quo. But is it because I was born a male, and my female gender identity is my imagination; or maybe because I had a head injury to the right side of my head and suffer paralysis on my left side? But even with the sum of all your parts you are more, because like ghosts in the machine of the human organism, we all exhibit traits that seem to emerge from a place to which science can not assess. A trait that is not a sum of the input but of something else somehow additional to the equation and innate. But, it begs to the truth, that when you measure all things, and find they are all equal, then they all are part of the truth. Universal truth is the culmination of all truths, though modulated by each other, the simple change does not negate the truth, only amplifies the universe in which it exists. We exist in a complex universe, over simplification only blinds its users to the more obvious truths; however complexity it self should never bind progress. In all due time… Hard to feel finite when facing infinity.
Reneta
9 Apr 10 at 4:53 pm
Lisa,
I would like to ask you a question via email if that was possible (I assume you can see my email via my posts but if not I can give it to you). Is this possible? (It isn’t a personal question about you but about some resources a friend is seeking).
shermanvolvo/monika
16 Apr 10 at 9:52 am
Whipping Girl was the book that gave me the courage that allowed me to finally come to terms with me being Transgendered. Julia Serano did such an amazing job writing it.
I loved your introduction, and I wish you the best of luck as you continue your journey. I look forward to reading your other posts. Thank You very much for inspiration.
~Abby
abbyjessica
10 May 10 at 11:34 am
hi we wondered if you wanted to get involved with the new blog, or have a link put up there of your work.(see emails)
best……
javier
23 May 10 at 6:39 pm
Your sit was gievn to me from one of mt editor’s Deanna. She read here all the time.
I would like your permission to add you asa news link to my site.
Respectfully,
Linda J
transgender life and friends
Linda
29 May 10 at 8:28 am
Hi Lisa,
Your remark “I am a woman. I do not identify as a woman.” made me think. When I was still figuring out my gender, I asked myself “What do you identify as?”. I found it a rather weird question, because I thought I don’t really identified as anything. Reading your comment, it suddenly dawned on me: When was the last time anyone asked a cis person what gender they identified as? It’s nonsense, of course. Some of us are men, some are women, some are cis, some trans.
Jacqui B.
1 Jun 10 at 3:16 am
I think there’s something to be said for questioning whether anyone can intrinsically be a man or a woman (or any other gender), but such questioning would have to be applied to cis people for it to matter, and I don’t think it would be.
Linda, that’d be fine!
Lisa Harney
1 Jun 10 at 3:19 am
I just realized that for months, actually most of a year now that I have been journaling about my trans status, all alone I have been saying that I am a woman, not identifying a woman. The one thing I have realized in my journey, is that I was always a woman, I just didn’t always know it, or know why I felt that I was. I don’t like being called transgendered, or transsexual, because in a manner it is used by others to invalidate that I am who I say I am by calling it a condition or a syndrome. It’s really one sided, well, at least that is what I have come to think. I find myself upset about the concept of someone seeing me, and feeling betrayed that I live as a woman given my past as if that makes me any more woman than any other. Still a lot of change is needed for this to be a fair trial for those of us who don’t have societal footing to stand upon. It’s better than it used to be. But I tell people I am transsexual because I don’t want anyone to be surprised regardless of their privilege to know such information. To be honest, who other than loved ones have a privilege to pry into my past, to know how I started my life.
Reneta
2 Jun 10 at 12:32 am