Re-watching movies
My partner and I watched Priscilla, Queen of the Desert last night. For those who don’t remember, Priscilla was one of those ridiculously colourful Australian movies of the 1990s, about three drag queens (two cis gay men and one het trans woman) who travel from Sydney to Alice Springs. I believe there was a contractual obligation with the AFI that all Australian films of the 90s had to feature at least one ABBA number. It has a great cast for the leads – Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce and Terence Stamp as Bernadette, the trans character.
When I first watched Priscilla at 14, it was one of those click moments that, oh yes, trans women exist, it is possible, it is liveable. I was never a queen and never part of campy gay male culture, but still it spoke to me in powerful ways. I still know the words to most of the songs on the soundtrack.
Rewatching it now though, it really is an awful portrayal in many respects.
A trans woman who transitioned 30 years ago supposedly has loads of stubble? And is naturally played by the gruff Terence Stamp? This being a character based on the gorgeous Les Girls showgirl Carlotta, famous for looking Bridgette Bardot? And she’s sitting there having a bowl full of hormones as breakfast cereal? Fuck off. Never mind the “mail order bride” section which I had completely excised from my memory (white privilege, party of one).
I actually don’t mind the bits where Bernadette (the trans character) kicked a guy in the nuts which either Namaste or Serano critiqued, that was fine, and her romance was mostly sweet and there were a few lovely moments of queer family towards the end, but not surprisingly, a very different experience to my early one. Rewatching movies is a dangerous business.
I think when you’re young, you get what you need out of movies and discard the rest–a process so selective that looking back you wonder how you pulled anything useful from there at all. Marginalised people can do wonderfully perverse things with texts, but the sad thing is we have to.
Because there’s no real affirming alternative, and turning poison into cure is the only cultural option we have.
[...] Emily at Questioning Transphobia has written an interesting post about re-watching Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. She writes that when she was younger she loved [...]
nostalgia | s l a a n e s h q u e
24 Jan 11 at 10:09 am
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Daisy Bellis and John O'Dwyer, QuestTransphobia. QuestTransphobia said: new at QT: "rewatching movies" http://www.questioningtransphobia.com/?p=3580 [...]
Tweets that mention Re-watching movies at Questioning Transphobia -- Topsy.com
24 Jan 11 at 10:27 am
I just had the same experience! I was so ashamed because I showed it to some friends calling it “one of the best queer and trans movies evaaarrrr!” and then was horrified to remember the mail order bride part, and that the portrayal of the trans character isn’t actually that amazing. I mean… I think it’s better than most of the movies out there but that really isn’t saying much.
mnome
24 Jan 11 at 1:35 pm
Funny, that was the first ‘trans’ movie I ever saw, I was in my early/mid teens when it came out, What got me was how it assured the hetero cis people around me that they knew all about how gay men and “trannies” were the same thing (I grew up in a very homophobic town).
When I finally watched it I only made it half way through – it was the scene in the pub with the ‘mail order bride’ that made me switch it off.
All it really did for me as a kid was to increase my sense of isolation – Maybe I would watch it these days with different eyes, but really, I doubt I’d bother.
Em
24 Jan 11 at 2:44 pm
Probably what I love most about Priscilla is the chemistry between the three main actors. They work so well together, and it really shows. (That, plus it’s impossible to watch The Matrix or Lord of the Rings and not think of Hugo Weaving’s portrayal.)
Seamyst
24 Jan 11 at 5:44 pm
This is exactly how I feel about The Crying Game.
I was 17 when that came and still very new to transition. i was so JAZZED to see a young trans girl of color that I was willing to overlook all of the awful. This was coming on the heels of Paris is Burning a year or two earlier, but that was different.. that was a documentary about a specific scene.. this was a movie about a trans girl.. a LOVEV story even. I was over the moon.
So yeah, I overlooked alot. Such as her desperation to be in a relationship with a man, which bordered on the depraved. Somehow I completely romanticized the relationship between Dil and Fergus… (Look, he still talks to her even AFTER he found out! Sure he threw up and slapped her, but you can hardly blame him! And see?? he still cares about her enough to be worried that she might get killed hanging around his IRA drama! That’s REAL LOVE!)
The racist violence and misogyny of the movie never sat well with me either. Particularly the scene where Dil shoots Fergus’ ex gf turned enemy, while ennumerating all her womanly traits with each bullet “you lured him with that sweet little ass, didn’t you?? *BLAM BLAM* >_<
But again, I was so desperate for representation I just let that slide…
Within a few years the "crying game" as ultimate trans cliche had gotten REALLY old. "Just like the Crying GAme" became part of the national lexicon when referring to coming out as trans, it seemed. People were who were aware of my transness, my entire college ccampus, regularly said things to me like "Hey, you know who you look like? That dragqueen from the CRYING GAME."
I refused to watch it for years and years afterward, but I re-watched it recently(ish).. about two or three years ago. That's when the pathetic quality of Dil's character really stood out to me. In all honesty, she really did remind me alot of myself in my younger years… and I can see why people made those comparisons. She was absolutely desperate for validation and the love of a man. She was willing to put up with all sorts of passive aggressive and abusive nonsense from men just to be loved. I can't say that I learned to behave that way because of The Crying GAme. But that movie definitely exploited my fears and low self esteem. And to this day it's still the cliche of cliches when it comes to trans characters in film.
Jane Laplain
24 Jan 11 at 7:00 pm
Marginalised people can do wonderfully perverse things with texts, but the sad thing is we have to.
Really? Why?
I guess…I’ve never looked for pop culture for any sort of inspiration to solve my problems. As far as figuring out how to deal with being trans, parsing movies for any sorta inspiration just doesn’t make sense.
Amanda in the South Bay
24 Jan 11 at 9:23 pm
this post calls to mind, for me, the sense of profound isolation I had at that age. I don’t recall having a reference point of any kind, in the media or elsewhere.
MHS
24 Jan 11 at 9:47 pm
it’s always interesting to see what (else) you see when you watch films many years after the first time you see them. and i studied priscilla at high school! i have always been pretty aware of the skeevy racism in it, possibly because we talked about it at the time. it’s interesting with cynthia, because the film’s so misogynist and racist in its framing, but there’s possibly also a reading to be made of her as someone who knows what she wants and knows how to get it? like, even though she’s kind of booted out of the film, she’s getting the last laugh in a “fuck the lot of you, who’d want to stick around here anyway” kind of way. maybe.
anyway, probably what struck me most when i re-watched the film a few years ago was how chaste/tame bernadette’s romance was. for some reason (watching at school with a bunch of teenagers?) i’d remembered it being somewhat raunchy – but she and bob barely even hold hands! also, bernadette’s, “there, now you’re fucked!” is probably one of my top ten trans screen moments, so i also disagree with serano’s criticism of bernadette as a “pathetic” stereotype. (in fact, IIRC, serano’s stereotype critique is a total catch-22 based, somewhat puzzlingly, around whether the trans woman character ‘passes’ (“deceiver”) or exhibits ‘masculine traits’ (“pathetic”). the logic of this doesn’t match up with other things she argues.)
(i’ll be over here with my dissertation, then!)
nix
25 Jan 11 at 2:43 am
I had been told I missed 3 “very important” trans movies by a cis gay male friend. He later gave me these films to watch they were:
1) Paris is Burning (loved it)
2) Priscilla (liked bits, hated bits)
3) To Wong Fu (still boggled about that)
I wish I had the ability to see these films in a way that made the latter two in some personal way empowering or reassuring. Alas, I saw them well after transition and, in the case of PQotD, the parts I like are in spite of the trans content and the racism
laughriotgirl
25 Jan 11 at 7:45 am
Really? Why?
I guess…I’ve never looked for pop culture for any sort of inspiration to solve my problems. As far as figuring out how to deal with being trans, parsing movies for any sorta inspiration just doesn’t make sense.
Congratulations on being so elite that you’re above the petty sociological coping mechanisms of 95% of humankind. Please do not be troubled by our squeaking noises as the rest of us squirm in the mud at your feet, wrapped in the cords of our DVD players.
Sas
25 Jan 11 at 12:55 pm
@ Sas
Oh please, get off your high horse.
Yeah, I’m a fucking elitist…Jesus Christ, way to be insulting.
Amanda in the South Bay
25 Jan 11 at 3:31 pm
Because I never liked watching movies about trans or drag queen characters, and can’t really get any deep meaning out of them, I’m an elitist? Tell that to my twice weekly paycheck.
Amanda in the South Bay
25 Jan 11 at 3:32 pm
Amanda, maybe you don’t care about pop culture, but most people like to read books or watch TV or movies and want to see themselves reflected in those stories. It’s not about “deep meaning”. It’s about the fact that the stories the media gives us are twisted and fucked up and full of stereotypes and that’s harmful.
Travis
25 Jan 11 at 10:13 pm
It’s about the fact that the stories the media gives us are twisted and fucked up and full of stereotypes and that’s harmful.
Travis, that might *just* be a valid reason to decide not to watch them anymore. Believe me, after “Priscilla”, “The Crying Game”, “Better Than Chocolate” (the portrayal of Judy was in some respects more sympathetic than usual, but she was portrayed by a cis man and the subtle “pathetic t*y with the big hands” was still there) and especially the absolutely odious “TransAmerica”, I’ve no interest in seeing any more trans-related films made by cis people. I don’t think it’s elitist to decide that because these movies seriously harm my self-esteem, I don’t want to watch them. Nowhere do I see Amanda saying that other trans folk shouldn’t watch them; she’s simply stating her own position.
(“Paris is Burning” is the one film that I enjoyed.)
GallingGalla
26 Jan 11 at 6:12 am
GallingGalla, if she had said that instead of just saying that looking for inspiration from movies was non-sensical, I would not have snarked at her. As someone who has taken inspiration and solace in things from “pop culture”, yes, I think what she said was snooty and elitist.
Sas
26 Jan 11 at 8:26 am
Yeah, I mean, I think my post was quite clearly stating that cis produced pop culture can and is harmful. I totally respect trans people not engaging with cis representations, becuase I myself often avoid things I know will be horrible.
I didn’t read Amanda saying that (a position I can accept), she said something very different, that it was useless. I don’t agree with that.
I don’t look to fiction as a political program to provide “solutions,” that’s not what fiction does. I would have thought that the fact people use narratives to make sense of their lives, to imagine otherwise, to feel and emotionally connect would have been uncontroversial. Seeing as how that’s been a truism of criticism since the ancient Greeks at least.
The thing is, not everyone has access to real-life community, to solid transcentric fact-based information – what about rural trans people? Trans people who grow up in homo and transphobic religious communities? Fiction is often more widely available, and information is smuggled in with entertainment.
Popular culture was where I first saw trans people, and I doubt I was alone in that. Even really really harmful things like sensationalist talk shows can be a lifeline when you have nothing else.
When MHS said he felt isolated at that age, that’s exactly it. The internet has changed so much – actual transcentred information disseminated widely – but I’m sure there’s still plenty of trans kids growing up for whom some random, messed up representation of transness is a little spark.
Queen Emily
26 Jan 11 at 8:48 am
These things were all I had, from the Book of Lists at around 10 years old through the occasional poorly written appearance on TV shows like Night Court or All in the Family, or ridiculous lines in the Cheers theme song (that were played on the radio, but not during the opening credits). Or fuck, Max Klinger in M*A*S*H, even though he was in no way a trans woman.
And of course, finally, every trans autobiography I could dig up at Powell’s books.
All of these movies came out after I started transition, but I still did watch them. The Crying Game was not that long after. Priscilla: Queen of the Desert wasn’t either. I was, I admit, already dissatisfied with the level of cultural discourse about transness at the time, but again there wasn’t anything else, and I can guarantee I was in no position to write Questioning Transphobia 1994.
Without any of these, if I’d just turned away because they weren’t perfect, I don’t know when I would have transitioned, I don’t even know how I could have determined whether they were perfect or not.
I felt completely isolated until I met another trans woman by chance through one of my hobbies. She was far from perfect either (and became my abuser for five years), but I do not know if I would have managed to start without her help and support when I turned 18.
It ain’t all black and white.
Lisa Harney
26 Jan 11 at 8:58 am
I guess the problem I have with trans characters written by cis people is particularly when it claims to be authentical. E.g. I find TransAmerica horrible for that matter, while I think Priscilla was less worse (though i admit I couldn’t stop from imagining Hugo Weaving ponctuating his sentences with “Mr Anderson” so I might have missed some stuff). At the contrary while it’s not seen as “cool lgbt movies every queer should have seen” I found the trans characters from Escape from LA and TwinPeaks more inspiring when I was questioning.
Butch Cassidyke
26 Jan 11 at 11:03 am
for me it was literally nothing. I did not know that guys could transition via taking testosterone &etc, at all, untill after I was on my own and out of the place(s) I grew up– which were homophobic and far from any city. did not know it was possible, didn’t know anyone had ever done it, etc etc.
most representation I’ve seen in the media has been either bad objectively or rubbed me wrong personally, true. but “no representation” also has its consequences- you see/hear/are surrounded by fiction that excludes the possibility of your existence. if fiction has robots and unicorns and talking trees etc… but no men who share these circumstances… what message does that tell me? I’m impossible. that’s how it felt.
MHS
26 Jan 11 at 4:07 pm
MHS,
Totally.
I think the only reference I found to trans men before I turned 16 was in the Book of Lists. I think Reed Erickson was mentioned in the “top 10 most famous transsexuals” list. There was a trans man in there, and I am concluding (perhaps incorrectly) that it was him based on his contributions to the science of the time.
Lisa Harney
26 Jan 11 at 5:06 pm
I’ve watched all of them. Mostof my life I’d watch anything that might possibly have something.
I can say, with fair certainty that the potrayals I saw almost inevitably worked to prevent me from stepping forward with transition, and eventually — indeed, by the time of the crying game — I just stopped even looking.
I don’t believe that it isn’t possible for a cis person to write a good trans movie — I happen to like “different for girls”, for example, but that’s not a great film at all, even though if asked what films I like, it is the only one that comes to mind — but I can say that there has yet to be any film involving trans people that I genuinely found any sort of personal connection to.
And that’s a sad thing, especially when you realize that I constructed my male persona based primarily on film characters and hollywood stars — exaggerations of humans, ramped up for public consumption and used to further a story (typically a character piece).
Which sounds a lot worse than it actually was, but involves a lot of bad stuff.
Trans film is something I wish I had the ability to write — just so that I could make one.
Dyssonance
27 Jan 11 at 2:04 am
interesting… I was thinking about him the other day, sort of pondering role of capitalism in research, resources, etc. e.g., what if dude never had (inherited?) that fortune? anyhow, had heard of the book, never knew that was a list in it!
comparatively I guess I’ve not got much to complain about. I know one guy who got his start with transition by writing and continuing correspondence with the author of Emergence (c1977). I remember reading that both Christine Jorgensen and Harry Benjamin got some similar “fan mail”, as well ye olde U.S. gender clinics. another guy saw some story in Hustler or Playboy or something, I think in the 80′s, that involved a transitioned guy (I shudder to think). I know another guy who told me in the 70′s, he just sort of found out that his source for pot and whatnot could also get testosterone pills for him too, without knowing much about what they’d do. by contrast, when I learned it was possible, I had an internet…
what gets me is obviously it didn’t have to be that way. the erasure and non-representation is a choice, often an active one…
MHS
27 Jan 11 at 2:06 am
I’m not sure about movies, but I’d be interested in a “Re-reading books” post, to go back to the first few trans male-mentioning things I was aware of–Stone Butch Blues and the anthology “Dagger: On Butch Women”. Maybe I should start my blog up again.
jayinchicago
27 Jan 11 at 8:20 am
You should at least take down the notice with the November 11 deadline. Or edit out the 2010 part.
/kidding.
I’d love to reread Les Feinberg’s stuff in light of the recent essays about hir sister’s YA book–I don’t really want to give that woman any more publicity than I already shamefully have, but hir books have an extensive history as community and educational resources. I remember them as in the top (i.e. only) five trans-relevant books that were recommended to me:
SBB, Transgender Warriors, Gender Outlaw….
Wait, there were actually only three. And then I found Read My Lips and was like FOUR!
I should go back and watch the movie again. I think…I saw it after a bunch of humiliatingly awful Nineties Gay Movies, and I remember being excited that it was genuinely funny, that the characters were all out, and that the acting was good. But I also remember even at the time how disappointing it was that Terence Stamp’s character was assumed to be weird and ugly. Her trans status in that movie was treated like an incurable disfiguring illness, and she was pathetically grateful for the attentions of a kind man. The same scenario played out in Transamerica: it was supposed to be surprising and wonderful that a man would find a trans woman beautiful in a romantic sense.
piny
27 Jan 11 at 10:02 am
November 11 deadline?
Lisa Harney
27 Jan 11 at 10:46 am
[...] to do so. Queen Emily summed it up really well in her discussion of watching Queen Priscialla, Re-watching movies, over at Questioning Transphobia: I think when you’re young, you get what you need out of [...]
Finding Personal Meaning in Art « Moving Hands
1 Mar 11 at 1:57 pm