As the date for my SRS quickly approaches, a very unwelcome kind of weirdness has sprung up amongst my friends: wanting to see my new vagina.
I’m at a loss to explain this really. There have been no requests to view my pre-surgery genitals (to make a comparison), only requests to see the post surgical results. Even stranger, the requests come exclusively from women. Am I missing out on some ritualistic part of womanhood? Do cis females throw parties where they all inspect each other’s vaginas?
I think not.
So why this weirdness? As I said, I’m pretty sure that cis women don’t usually show their vaginas to each other. This leads me to the conclusion that this is another facet of the ‘ownership’ of trans bodies by cis people. By ownership, I mean the strange psychology that leads cis people to grab the breasts or crotch of trans people in public and ask them about their genitals in public. Cis people seem to think they have a right to know about our bodies and what we’ve done to them, even though they would not volunteer such information about themselves.
This is obviously why they feel that they are also entitled to see my post-surgery genitals.
But one wonders WHY they want to see my vagina when they had no interest in my pre-vagina state. As I said earlier, there can be no basis for comparison without seeing the ‘before’. One can only assume then that their sole interest in viewing my vagina is vetting the authenticity of my lady parts and making a comparison to their OWN lady parts.
This vetting process is, of course, just another facet of cis people deciding whether or not you’re allowed to be a woman. If your vagina doesn’t match up to their (biased) expectations, then you’re relegated back to the “almost woman” category and looked upon as a kind of second class woman who can never match up the vaunted first class or ‘real’ women. You can guarantee that they will find flaws in your vaginal construction that invalidate your femininity, even though their OWN vagina would not stand up to such intense scrutiny.
And that’s what it’s all really about – making sure that they feel that their ‘real’ vagina is superior to my ‘fake’ vagina, bolstering their authenticity as a ‘real’ woman and putting me in my place as a ‘fake’ woman.
So I have decided that I’m not going to show my vagina to anyone but my partner and my doctor. I’m not going to subject myself to being judged by an impossible standard by a biased jury. I will not give cis people an excuse to trash trans people by saying to their friends “Oh, I’ve seen a transsexual vagina – it wasn’t that great really, you could TOTALLY tell that it wasn’t a real one”.
Their unhealthy obsession with my post-surgical genitalia will just have to remain unsatisfied. Their imaginations can run wild with conjecture as to how authentic it looks, but they will never actually know.