Marginalization as Labor On Demand and the Tone Argument
How many people have heard “You have a responsibility to educate?” Or prompted a defensive response when saying “It is not my responsibility to educate you?”
It is my duty to constantly deconstruct other people’s privilege, to explain to them what they’re doing wrong, that I am required to either give a full 101 course right there on the spot or just walk away. I’m not allowed to say “You know, I found that offensive” and leave it at that. If I don’t do the education, how will anyone learn? Right?
Except what this means is that my energy and effort are available on demand. I have to be ready at a moment’s notice to provide an exhaustive and exhausting rundown on all of the reasons why something someone said or did is oppressive and offensive. Occasionally, they may even demand scientific research to back this up.
And what do they most often do when you give them this education? When you have allowed yourself to be at their beck and call for however long it took? Most often, they reject it (you’re just being oversensitive), or they try to argue it down to a lesser offense (I didn’t intend to offend anyone) or just make it about them entirely and ignore the fact that they just engaged in the verbal equivalent of punching you in the face.
So we talk about people making an effort to not engage in the verbal equivalent of not punching you in the face. What happens? Oh, we come full circle: “We can’t do that if you don’t educate us.” Apparently, privilege means you’re completely helpless and unable to use google. And if you bring google into the discussion? They’ll talk about other people who aren’t in the conversation, and possibly cannot even be in the conversation, to prove that google doesn’t work. Or they’ll use silly examples (like googling “cis” without adding “transgender”) to prove that google doesn’t work. What they will avoid doing, is directly address their unwillingness to take the effort to learn how not to punch you in the face.
So, this is why it is never any marginalized person’s responsibility to educate you: Because no one owes you free labor, least of all when you’ve just made it abundantly clear that you hold institutional privilege over that marginalized person by fucking up.
And this is why no marginalized person owes it to you to be polite when you fuck up: Because you fucked up. Because you said something rude and offensive. Because you said something bigoted. Because when you do this and claim that you are owed politeness, you are once again laying a claim to a marginalized person’s energies from a position of privilege. Because when you claim that the marginalized person has escalated the situation with hir anger for your careless words? You are wrong, because you escalated the situation already and ze is responding to that escalation.
And also, this, since I love Brinstar in that comment thread:
As you pointed out, you’re still hurt regardless of whether the other person intended a slight or not. You can choose your response, obviously, but what you may not understand is the lived experience of the marginalised person. Since we’re talking about race, let’s talk about race. Krogans probably deal with racist situations multiple times a day, every single day, every single week, every single month. How a Krogan chooses to respond to a problematic situation is always negotiated. People in marginalised groups choose their battles. On one day, they might have encountered racism only once, and so they might be in a better mood to respond to racism. On another day, they might have just been in one of the most draining, emotional, and angering racist situations in their life, and the next incident would be the last straw. You don’t know. You’re operating from a position of privilege because you assume that everyone entering debates like this is entering it on equal terms, when it simply is not the case. A member of a privileged group, they can only talk about racism in theoretical terms, whereas the member of the marginalised group deals with it in their daily lives. It is not theory to them.
I need to print this out and give it to people at my church.
f00l
5 Aug 10 at 7:42 pm
I read this at a community that just…in the context of the asshattery of the mods of that community as of late and what prompted it, I really needed to read this. This here: “You’re operating from a position of privilege because you assume that everyone entering debates like this is entering it on equal terms, when it simply is not the case.” — really struck a chord. Great post.
M
5 Aug 10 at 8:22 pm
Thank you for the kind words, and sympathies about the community.
I was probably all up in the mod post for that comm, if we’re thinking of the same one. This post is more about the way too many conversations like this I’ve seen or been a part of. It’s really frustrating to constantly hear this rather explicit double-standard over and over again.
Lisa Harney
5 Aug 10 at 9:28 pm
I made a conscious decision to be that way — to be willing able to put my labor on demand when it comes to educating.
Downside, of course, is that I tend to be, um, err, relentless, I suppose, because they don’t get to go away saying they don’t agree. There is a price for my labor, and if they demand it, then they pay it.
But because I made a conscious choice, it really seriously pisses me off when someone isn’t left to just say “that’s offensive”.
When they are suddenly caught in a situation where there is a swarm around them. That gets my hackles up, raises my ire.
Because no one has an obligation. There is no code of honor, no rule of ethics, no sense of duty, no requirement of respect.
Thanks, Lisa, for putting this one up. Sadly, this sort of thing is not mentioned enough.
Dyssonance
5 Aug 10 at 10:35 pm
Yeah, I may not have emphasized it enough, but my point is that it has to be a choice freely made, not one compelled or demanded.
Lisa Harney
5 Aug 10 at 10:49 pm
Thanks for this post.
I have to admit, that as patient as I can be for the type who go “oops, sorry, my bad” and actually listen and learn (because hell knows we’ve all said something at some point without thinking of the nuances, connotations, and implications until it’s too late), I get frustrated when I encounter the type who keep going on and on and on and move the goalposts whenever I make an actual point they don’t want to acknowledge.
I can have near-infinite patience with friends and people I trust, but I have less and less for random strangers who say something stupid and then whine when called on it. And it’ll be a cold day in hell when I coddle a privileged jerk who has no respect for me. One of the things that gets to me the most is the sheer entitlement that they (the privileged jerks) be treated with respect, while having no regard whatsoever for our feelings and how their words hurt us. It’s become one of my insta-hulksmash buttons.
Galhea
6 Aug 10 at 12:51 am
Thanks for a great post! You just madeit to my favourite quotes @facebook (being the first worth quoting) with the “So, this is why it is never any marginalized person’s responsibility to educate you: Because no one owes you free labor, least of all when you’ve just made it abundantly clear that you hold institutional privilege over that marginalized person by fucking up.
And this is why no marginalized person owes it to you to be polite when you fuck up: Because you fucked up. Because you said something rude and offensive. Because you said something bigoted.”
Well done!
Hilda
6 Aug 10 at 1:52 am
yes, yes, yes, and yes.
as far as “who is escalating the conversation,” I’ve found the privileged person* in the discussion usually does not realize what a strong emotional reaction they’re already having to getting their privilege challenged in the first place. they don’t realize how completely disproportionate their own response often is.
you could be “polite” and bend-over-backwards as possible (though, as you said, they have no entitlement to your effort)… and many would still reply “y u so ANGRY??? calm down geez”. to their mind, the fact of your speaking is automatically un-polite and outside the bounds of their dear standards of reasonable discussion.
MHS
6 Aug 10 at 5:40 am
THIS THIS OH GOD THIS. I will be linking the shit out of this. Thank you.
Jack
6 Aug 10 at 9:12 am
All of this!
laughriotgirl
6 Aug 10 at 10:05 am
Heh, I was actually the person continuing to argue the other side and, really, I was largely convinced thanks to the efforts of those who put the time and emotion into it. I still appreciate it, and I’ve argued it myself to this day.
At the same time, it’s only really beneficial if you want to assuage your own guilt or deflect the shaming from others for not continually defending yourself (and it’s an airtight argument). In terms of pragmatic persuasion, I might be cynical, but I just don’t think many privileged people are going to think any more about it afterwards because, well, that’s what privilege is. They should, but they don’t (with notable exceptions). And, other than picking your battles, I’m not really sure how to reconcile that. But maybe justifying picking your battles is the entire point.
Ophelia
6 Aug 10 at 11:57 am
Yeah, the point is picking your battles and and being able to pick your battles without having your choices dictated to you by the people who provoke them.
MHS,
Yes to that second paragraph. Having a voice at all is considered to be too angry and out of bounds, and what they really want to do is put enough barriers down that you don’t talk at all.
Lisa Harney
6 Aug 10 at 1:57 pm
I’ve found that on the occasions that I’ve tried to educate people who demanded it -(“If you’re not willing to rationally explain the problem then how can I avoid upsetting you)- I’ve had a 100% failure rate, essentially because the person knew from the outset why I was offended and they didn’t believe that ‘I’ had a right to question them on account of my demographic.
Nowadays the only time that I pull someone up is if they’ve said something in passing which was problematic – the people who make the really offensive statements do so out of a sense of total superiority in the first place. Them demanding that we rationalise our objection is roughly about as bullshit as the “I’m only telling you this because I care” meme.
Em
6 Aug 10 at 5:05 pm
I totally agree with both.
Lisa Harney
6 Aug 10 at 5:08 pm
I think it was about a year ago that I learned this lesson for myself. It’s almost embarrassing now to admit that when I read a blog post that explained why people of color have no responsibility to explain racism 101 to every single white person they meet – I was all righteously outraged. I was thinking, “of course they do! how else will they (I) learn!” (Apparently I assumed white people didn’t know how to read books or use the internet.) Being able to get over that hurdle (and it was a big one) was a huge deal and really helped me. So thanks for writing this.
Xeginy
7 Aug 10 at 12:47 pm
Yes! Except, there is an element of game theory which enters into it as well. If I want to succeed in the social system I’m participating in, I am well served to educate gently, reserve my educating energies using the most sophisticated personal algorithm I can manage, and generally let people discover their asshattery for themselves, in ways which work _for_ _that_ _person_. If the game is so fucked up that I can’t win no matter what (by win: keep the job, ship the product, meet my own larger goals in context) then keeping my chips and running like hell is probably the best option. If I’m going to play though…then beyond the whole “not an ambassador” thing is the simple necessity of conveying both humanity and competence in the face of great difference.
jessl
7 Aug 10 at 2:06 pm
In a perfect world, it would be obvious that people who are not members of marginalized groups should do as much of the educating as we can, recognizing that we probably won’t get it right, but hoping that we can at least make things marginally easier for people, and take on some of what must surely be a pretty tedious burden. And it would be beyond obvious that if we’re not in some marginalized group and we (a) fail to take on this task, and (b) fail even to educate ourselves, which is surely a bare minimum, we do not get to snipe at people who are doing work we ought to do just because they are not doing it to our precise specifications.
Sigh.
hilzoy
7 Aug 10 at 7:49 pm
Hey, i’d like to add one more thing to the discussion if i may, to convince people NOT to educate the privileged.
Lets say for instance, that my dad was like, “Hey, I can’t call you Jemma until you educate me, because I don’t understand”. Okay, now let’s say that I actually sit down, and spend two hours educating my father. EVEN IF the education is successful, I still fail.
Why? I’ll explain:
Okay, its two weeks into the future, my dad is educated, and my dad’s friend comes over to the house. My dad’s friend takes one look at me, and says “Ew, why is there a manwoman in your house?” and I burst into tears and run away. My father will NOT come to my aid, and he will NOT correct his friend. He will say “Oh, that’s not my friend’s fault. After all, JEMMA HASN’T TAUGHT HIM YET. How could he know any better?”
Educating cis people creates the illusion that the only reason cis people should be polite to trans people is if we waste time educating them.
Jemma
11 Aug 10 at 5:11 pm
Yeah, I agree.
Lisa Harney
11 Aug 10 at 5:14 pm
I mean, I think deciding to educate is a personal choice, and should never be mandated, but education has a cost.
Lisa Harney
11 Aug 10 at 5:14 pm
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS. I so, so needed to read these words today.
Samia
13 Aug 10 at 9:27 am
I’m glad they helped, Samia.
Lisa Harney
13 Aug 10 at 7:21 pm
“Educating you is not my duty” is true and needs repeating, but while it applies on an individual level, on a group level minorities have a duty to educate the privileged. The whole problem with privilege is that it’s invisible to the privileged – if nobody points it out in detail (you can’t generalise from “that was wrong” except by shutting up completely).
The trans rights movement (as well as every civil rights movement) has a duty to educate, or it just isn’t doing its job – so people in it have a duty to be activists and educators if nobody has stepped up yet, just like people have a duty to be firefighters if there’s a shortage of firefighters. “Someone educate me” is a legitimate request (up to a point; resources shouldn’t be wasted) – it’s “You, educate me” that’s a problem.
I think the best response to that request is a link to a public explanation (which can be written once and read by everyone, and is more detailed than an elevator pitch), then one or two sets of Google keywords (“JFGI” is not enough if you don’t know what to Google), then a book recommendation (paywalls hurt) – all things that can be reused. Failing that, we have to consume people’s time – “Ask So-and-so or Such-and-such if they’d be willing to talk to you about that” or “I’ll write you about it sometime this month”.
And if there are no existing explanations you recall, and no people you know are educators (which is not the case for transpeople, thanks to wonderful activists such as you), then the movement is lacking in this department – and if you’re not willing to be an educator yourself, you’d better pay those who spend their limited time and resources on it, because we all need them.
Leopold
14 Aug 10 at 8:13 pm
My point is that no one, and I mean that on the institutional as well as individual level, has a duty to educate. No one needs to be told that on an institutional level education needs to happen because many of us are already doing education. If we’re supposed to educate on demand at any scale, then we’re expected to provide labor for the comfort of those who have no investment in our lives.
I deliberately avoided stating whether or not marginalized people should educate because that’s a personal choice that each of us makes one way or another.
Lisa Harney
14 Aug 10 at 8:18 pm
“If we’re supposed to educate on demand at any scale, then we’re expected to provide labor for the comfort of those who have no investment in our lives”: Aha! I see. You’re objecting to it because it’s something the privileged demand of the marginalized. That’s true on the individual level, I’m not sure on the institutional level so I’m taking your word for it.
But the privileged’s comfort is not the only thing at stake – marginalized people need others to be educated, and thus we demand that cis people educate themselves. When I talk about a duty to educate, it’s something we owe to other transpeople, not to cispeople. If nobody does it, we’re all worse off.
Yes, this doesn’t apply to the trans rights movement, since there are a lot of educators already – but we need to preserve this, and to make it happen in other movements that are currently low on educators.
Leopold
15 Aug 10 at 5:08 am
Yeah, it’s a fair point that education needs to be out there. I wasn’t arguing otherwise.
I just feel like whenever this argument is made, someone seems to take it as “no one should ever educate” and then talk about all the contexts under which someone should educate.
And it’s like, the point isn’t whether or not education should happen, but that it can’t be demanded like that.
Lisa Harney
15 Aug 10 at 1:36 pm
[...] it's packed with several privileged assumptions. A particularly good example I recently read was "Marginalization as Labor On Demand and the Tone Argument" by Lisa Harney at Questioning [...]
Educating Others « Moving Hands
16 Aug 10 at 6:28 am
Okay, understood. What you’re telling the movement is not, as I mistakenly thought, “We won’t ever need you to educate, do whatever”, but “If some cis jerk tells you ‘Educate me now!’, you have every right to tell them to fuck off.” – and it’s a good message. Thanks.
Leopold
17 Aug 10 at 5:15 am
So I am what everyone here would call a privileged, White Male heterosexual who is part of a lower middle class family. If you get angry about what I say here I’m sorry I really don’t want it to be taken that way.
Okay, so this is my first exposure to this idea of privileged and marginalized people, not to say I did not know things like knowing things like capitalism promotes racism in that draws a line and makes slavery. I also understand what it is like to be offend and offend others. I take great offense to be called homosexual and/or metrosexual because one of my close friend is homosexual. I know what it means to offend because I have jokingly said things most Christan people would be offend by, they laughed at it and then told me they found it slightly offensive at the time I did not know that.
I feel there is one major problem with this idea and thats a lot of people do not know what is offensive. For Example I bet that no one reading this knew I also find the term “monkey suit” to refer to a males suit is offensive to me the reason behind that is that I love Love LOVE my suits and there very special to me. I agree that you should not give a huge lecture to why something is offensive, but I disagree with you saying you can just say thats offensive and walk away, I know this for a fact if you google the term “monkey suit” to refer to a males suit is offensive you literally come up with zero results about why that would be offensive to someone. I’m not saying the privileged should be absolved of any work, but also not say that saying that the marginalized should have to do all the work.
My proposal to everyone reading this is that when someone is offend and voices that, apologizes first, but second ask them for a short explanation if one is not apparent, now the proper response should be like anything I said when explaining things that were offensive to me, I drew all of them from my personal experiences. The problem without compromise is objectivity.
P.S. please do not respond to this message with the only thing to say is your privileged we should not hear your opinion on how to solve this, or that most of my examples are talking about people not in the conversation and that goes against what was said above, or that the marginalized does not owe me anything, because all those arguments are irrelevant to what I just said.
Alex Turley
19 Aug 10 at 12:03 am
You being offended by “monkey suit” has no bearing on what my post was about. I’m not talking about pet peeves.
I don’t think you understood this post. I suggest you re-read it to find out what it does not say that you assume it said.
Your opinion isn’t coming close to solving this. It was solved in my post. Your opinion is the problem.
Your last paragraph is not acceptable here. I don’t expect any of my readers to honor it.
Lisa Harney
19 Aug 10 at 2:31 am
[...] think Jack had a rough ride. Firstly, let’s look at a recent concept I’m very keen on, Labour on Demand which whilst not initially that relevant does get turned on it’s head a little. I would say [...]
The Great bathroom debate, part two: in defence of Jack of Kent | Zoë O'Connell
30 Aug 10 at 6:33 am
First even if your were not talking about pet peeves, you were talking about offensive langue. Second that if I find something offensive then people should respect that and not use it, as your post dictates. Third anyone every being offend at any langue is a pet peeve, because like some people of the marginalized group would find somethings offensive and others not thats because langue and offensiveness is subjective. and also that means that people should have to educate by at least fucking saying hay thats offensive for blank reason.
Thank you for telling me to re-read this because I did and I think your argument in this post is even worse. What I think this post says that the marginalized group should not have to give anything more then as you say “You know, I found that offensive” and that the marginalized are not the slave of the privileged. If I’m wrong please tell me because as much as you want to follow your post, I think you should have to defend your argument and explain it.
You should also explain this more, because I think that effort on both ends are key to solve this problem. also I don’t believe you understand my argument (it’s stated just above). I don’t think you solve anything in this post other then telling people its okay to want change but doing the least amount of work for it. and really I strongly feel that your post is just as much the problem as my comment is.
Why is it unacceptable to you, I think you should know that I have had less then favorable responses on websites before, and I had never posted anything on here so I’m sorry, that I did not want to get one those response I didn’t know the social group on here so I’m sorry.
Also from reading this again I realized that you kind of advocated that people can’t do anything about there social status. I think the Civil Rights Movement proved that wrong. You should also know that I care about equality more then anything. To the point that I would die for it. What the point of this is that I think you should start acting as my equal. Which means one simple thing when I give you respect as I try the hardest I could then you respond with a equal amount of respect which you failed to do.
I think the better idea is that you should get out and say that you are equal to every other person in society. The only way to do that is acting like it in every way.
And if your offend by this I’m sorry, I’m just stating what I think and I wanted you to defend what you were saying, because thats what I feel every person should do. I feel I have done that. So I don’t if I’m a fucking idiot or not, but I think that debate on what the solution is something that we all need to participate in.
Alex Turley
2 Sep 10 at 10:40 pm
It’s all explained. I can’t really help it if you’re unwilling to deal with the logic. I’m not going to rephrase my entire post just because you think you can suck me into doing exactly what the post says I’m not going to do.
Also I never said that people can’t do anything about their social status. I cannot even refute what you’re saying because it has no relationship to anything I have ever said.
I do in fact say I am equal to other people, but unfortunately, I have to deal with laws, with prejudices, and other things I cannot make disappear simply by wishing and sprinkling fairy dust on it. And really, it’s actually kind of ignorant to claim that people can just decide they’re equal to everyone else and it’ll work. That turns everything around and blames us for the fact that institutional problems exist for many of us. In many ways, they probably even exist for you – I can virtually guarantee you’re not equal to everyone else, after all – economically, if nothing else.
I’m not offended by what you’re saying, and I’m glad you feel like you’ve bootstrapped yourself into some amazing state of grace where you can be equal to everyone from Donald Trump to Barack Obama, but back in the real world, many of us have practical obstacles we have to cope with daily. If you really want to hang around here, I suggest reading up on this stuff so you can find out what they are – and not deny their existence.
Lisa Harney
2 Sep 10 at 11:14 pm
And there is no simple do it yourself one-size-fits-all solution. Things are too complex for that. Even if I found a way to bootstrap myself into the middle class? It wouldn’t work for everyone else here. Or even maybe not anyone else here.
Lisa Harney
2 Sep 10 at 11:48 pm
[...] he just used a tone argument on me. And said that degendering and dehumanizing trans people doesn’t undermine his efforts. [...]
Binary Subverter
10 Nov 10 at 8:11 am
[...] Most of the people I know in Social Justice circles know that it’s not an oppressed person’s duty or reason for being to educate those who hold privilege over them. It isn’t, for example, an Autistic’s (or other person with disabilities’) job to live as a “self narrating zoo exhibit” as Jim Sinclair would say. It is the oppressor’s duty to get educated, not the oppressed’s to educate. [...]
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3 Jul 11 at 10:58 pm
[...] Most of the people I know in Social Justice circles know that it’s not an oppressed person’s duty or reason for being to educate those who hold privilege over them. It isn’t, for example, an Autistic’s (or other person with disabilities’) job to live as a “self narrating zoo exhibit” as Jim Sinclair would say. It is the oppressor’s duty to get educated, not the oppressed’s to educate. [...]
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