Josie Romero: daughter, sister, trans child
The recent New York Times article, When to Out a Transgendered Dater?, written by a cis man posing as an ethicist, was notable more for its display of blatant cisupremacism and noxious subtext of anti trans sentiment than for answering its own question in any useful way. Thankfully, it’s been thoroughly and deservedly deconstructed in numerous responses (see Questioning Transphobia, The Bay Area Reporter, Feministing and Bilerico, to name but a few).
In the light of that unnecessary reminder that many cis people will always make it about them, it’s a real breath of fresh air to read about two cis parents, Venessia and Joseph Romero, who are as open, supportive and loving as any child could wish for. Four years ago they found that their elder daughter Josie is transgender and since then, according to the Arizona Daily Star (see also the site’s health blog), have worked hard to follow her lead.
And Josie is not only adamant that she’s a girl, but also that she’s transgender. She doesn’t want to hide who she is, and her family says they respect and support that. Telling her story validates her, her mother says.
“Josie is very proud of who she is,” Venessia says. “Why go through life with a secret? Where’s the health in that? There should be no shame.”
[...]
“Josie will change her mind on many issues in her life. Halfway through grad school she may switch her major,” Venessia says. “But her blood type will never change, and she’ll always be female. All through Josie’s life she has persistently and consistently identified as female. Josie is a girl, has always been a girl, and will grow up to become a woman. That is just part of who she is.”
Needless to say, the Romero family has received a lot of criticism, not least for being the focus of a significant amount of media attention.
A year ago, National Geographic contacted TransYouth Family Allies seeking a family with a transgender child, and the group contacted the Romeros. Venessia says the family gave it a lot of thought, including talking with Josie. Ultimately, they decided it would be a good idea and other media appearances soon followed.
“This world isn’t going to change on its own,” Venessia says as Josie and sister Jade, adopted from China when she was 2 and Josie was 3, ride their pink and purple bikes. “I don’t want her growing into a world that isn’t ready for her.”
Which, to me, is the heart of the matter. Articles like the NYT piece I mentioned above have only one purpose: to reinforce the ciscentric (and cissupremacist) values of a world which is transphobic by default. All anti trans rhetoric is fundamentally and intractably aimed at upholding the essentially (and essentialist) transphobic belief that trans people simply shouldn’t exist. As Alison Davison, coordinator of the Southern Arizona Gender Alliance points out, in the debate about whether TS/TG people should be ‘out’:
Many transgender folks prefer to live what we call a ‘stealth’ existence.
If they are transsexual, they will go through the stages of transition and often do their best to quietly blend in. There are philosophical and political discussions about the importance of being ‘out.’
Personally, I think there is strength in being out and public. I think the rest of society needs to see faces and hear stories of transgender people so they can develop greater understanding and compassion.
Whilst I’m broadly in agreement with this, I doubt that any cis person can ever truly understand our experiences of being trans; however, it’s true that a little more acceptance wouldn’t go amiss. And a useful place to start for cis people who want to show solidarity with, and support for, our communities would be to actually listen to us with the same degree of care and attention as Venessia and Joseph Romero have shown for Josie. If we were able to feel safe enough around cis people that mentioning, or not, that we’re trans wouldn’t be putting our lives at risk whether we self-disclose, or not – then just maybe the world could take another small step towards being a better place for all of us.
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Edited to add: There are a couple of YouTube videos of Tyra Banks’ interview with Josie and her family, televised in January 2010. Despite the poor quality of sound and images, either is well worth taking 10 minutes to watch. Here are the links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OB-L_HkW_eI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nQpaL9sPYA
Further edited to add: GLAAD found some aspects of the broadcast deserving of criticism – their blog post is here; Venessia Romera responded in the comments here
[...] Cross-posted at Questioning Transphobia [...]
Josie Romero: daughter, sister, trans child « bird of paradox
25 Jul 10 at 6:18 am
The article starts by privileging her birth name, names Kenneth Zucker as opposing transition and yet will only say “Other therapists say preventing certain children with gender identity disorder from transitioning is a recipe for depression and self-harm” without giving their names, making Zucker’s opinion seem more important. Fail.
However, there was not one male pronoun attached to Josie, and not one negative opinion expressed by the author. It could have been so much worse.
Why couldn’t I have had her parents?
Jessica
25 Jul 10 at 9:57 am
Thank you for sharing this. It’s good to see that some families have a clue.
Tobias
25 Jul 10 at 11:24 am
1. She’s an awesome child.
2. @Jessica I don’t know if putting her birth name in quotes and not her actual name is really privileging, also Zucker’s argument just sounds less clear and is already pre-contradicted by the article. I could have written this article, and, beyond using birth-assigned instead of birth name, I don’t think I’d have changed much in the article. Many pro-trans doctors don’t come forward because they can be made pariahs. You can’t blame the newspaper for that culture of silence. This is a proudly out child, with proud parents, and nobody who has a face saying that this is wrong. I’m cool with coverage like this by cis people… I’m just not cool with coverage like this being the only media on trans issues available.
Valerie Keefe
25 Jul 10 at 6:24 pm
My contention is why does anyone have to know her former name? By publishing it, the author feeds the trope that our birth names are somehow “specially authentic” and deserve to be dredged up by strangers long after we throw them off for who we really are.
“Many pro-trans doctors don’t come forward because they can be made pariahs”
And this is a symptom of Society’s Transphobia. The article still gives Zucker more credibility than the un-named Doctors who support Josie. Why couldn’t the author have said something like “A Psycholigist who opposes transition says…”
Jessica
25 Jul 10 at 7:29 pm
When discussing trans people, only current names should be mentioned. Other names are totally irrelevant and only serve to satisfy cis curiosity.
Also, Gina critiqued the whole “put trans kids in the spotlight” thing two months ago and I think raised some pretty valid points.
Lisa Harney
25 Jul 10 at 10:41 pm
I’m glad she isn’t ashamed of being trans, but I think kids tend to be a lot bolder than adults and that it’s the adults’ job to be cognizant of that. Granted, this is probably a conservative view and one that is extremely in So it’s great that her parents are so supportive, but I wonder if they truly get that once something is on the internet, it lasts forever in some form, especially in the age of cheap data storage and the Wayback Machine.
My mother taught IT-related classes when I was growing up, so she was aware of the potential and actual risk inherent in using the internet. We also had internet access from the early 90s. Before it was popular for news organizations to inform parents about how permanent this stuff is, she was telling me how vital it is not to give out personal information and, later on, not to post pictures and things like that online. So I’ve been getting that message for literally most of my life and my worldview is shaped by that.
I have heard it argued that having more information of this nature available will inevitably take away the shock value of transness and trans disclosure, which I think is extremely naive to the point of totally underestimating the general shittiness of human nature, esp that of cis people wrt trans people. This is especially true in the US in the age of “”"”reality”"”" shows and 24/7 surveillance because it’s becoming popular in some circles to say that privacy is dead (see: Mark Zuckerberg) and anyone who expects a modicum of privacy obviously has something to hide and that having something to hide (don’t we all?) is A Bad Thing™ . It’s a privileged position, but one that many are adopting in some form or another.
MTG
26 Jul 10 at 5:31 pm
Kids often reflect what they’re taught. I was pretty ashamed of being trans as a child, once I realized that everyone didn’t feel like I did.
I think what’s happening is that these kids assert their gender and are being respected in it, rather than punished.
Lisa Harney
26 Jul 10 at 5:54 pm
Sorry, I skimmed your comment and my own comment sounds more disagreeable than I was trying for.
I agree with a lot of your comment, esp that last paragraph.
Lisa Harney
26 Jul 10 at 9:32 pm
I get what you’re saying. I’m glad to see that there are at least some parents who aren’t punishing their kids for being who they are, implicitly or explicitly. I’m still working through my own feelings of shame, and it’s hard to do that knowing full well I wouldn’t have chosen this had I been given an option. I don’t say that in a self-hating manner; I love my life but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hell getting to this point. I have learned some things from this process, but I don’t think the ‘learning experience’ outweighs the utterly hellacious aspects of my trans experience.
MTG
26 Jul 10 at 10:56 pm
Yeah, there’s too much shit just for being trans for it to be an unmitigated positive experience. Someone on my flist once said that “sometimes, being trans is really stupid” and I’m kind of in agreement with that.
I think last weekend was the first time in my life I was anywhere where I knew that any people knew I was trans and I wasn’t completely anxious about this. Most of the time I feel like I’d just rather die than have the subject come up at all.
Lisa Harney
27 Jul 10 at 12:40 am
Venessia is an incredibly cool woman I feel honored to know — she’s extremely aware, and can teach grumpy gals like me a thing or two.
Josie’s not merely a child, either — she’s already an activist at her young age, and not because she’s been pushed to be such, but because she’s just that strong a person. And has been for the years that all the prejudice against her has been going on.
When it comes to the subject of Trans, in my personal, day to day life, it comes up with old friends who I still talk to and they have questions (sometimes questions I’d excoriate another for). But, for the most part, in most ways, it is something I deal with on a political and professional basis otherwise.
I don’t cringe anymore, though, which I’m not sure is a good thing or not. It just is — and I sorta let it happen if it’s going to without trying to avoid it happening.
Like a really expensive pair of shoes, maybe — I might be flattered or upset if someone comments, depending on the comment, and I’m ready to talk about them, but, in the end, they are just a pair of shoes, and that doesn’t mean I’ll want to spend the night talking about them.
Dyssonance
28 Jul 10 at 7:36 am